How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs for Better Health & Self-Esteem: Insights from Shelly Lefkoe – Natalie Tysdal Podcast
- Natalie
- Sep 28, 2025
- 26 min read
Shelly Lefkoe
Are limiting beliefs holding you back from your health goals and true happiness? On this episode of the Natalie Tysdal Podcast, host Natalie welcomes Shelly Lefkoe, co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute, to unpack the impact of limiting beliefs on women’s health, self-esteem, and daily behavior. Learn how to identify and break free from hidden mental barriers so you can thrive personally and physically.
Understanding Limiting Beliefs and Their Impact on Health
Limiting beliefs are unconscious statements about reality that we hold as truth—beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t matter”—and they shape the patterns that govern our lives. Shelly Lefkoe shares how these beliefs form in childhood and how they lead to issues like procrastination, unhealthy relationships, and neglecting self-care.
Common Limiting Beliefs That Sabotage Wellbeing
Shelly highlights key self-esteem beliefs many women carry, such as:
I’m not good enough
I’m not important
What makes me good enough is achieving things or pleasing others
These hidden convictions can trigger burnout, chronic anxiety, and neglect of personal health.
How to Identify Your Own Limiting Beliefs
Most people aren’t aware of their limiting beliefs. Shelly offers practical tips: listen to your inner dialogue, notice recurring emotional patterns, and pay attention to behaviors you wish you could change. Test your beliefs by saying them out loud and noticing how they make you feel.
Strategies to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs and Transform Your Life
Shelly shares her proven process for dissolving limiting beliefs, emphasizing the need to uncover the root causes and “disappear” the old stories—not just layer positivity on top. Her approach invites a life of vibrant health, natural confidence, and authentic self-care.
What You’ll Learn
How limiting beliefs shape your health, motivation, and self-worth
Steps to uncover hidden self-esteem beliefs using practical self-reflection
Why traditional positive affirmations don’t always work (and what to do instead)
Shelly Lefkoe’s powerful method for eliminating deep-seated limiting beliefs
Inspiring stories of transformation from real clients—including health breakthroughs and overcoming trauma
Why This Episode Matters
If you ever feel stuck in unhealthy routines, struggle with self-doubt, or notice you’re not prioritizing your wellbeing, this episode offers real hope and solutions. Shelly’s expertise empowers women to recognize what’s holding them back—often beneath conscious awareness—and gives actionable steps to break free, achieve vibrant health, and live with more confidence and joy. Her practical techniques can help anyone ready to rewrite their self-story and thrive in all areas of life.
Links and Resources
Dr. Mark Hyman — mentioned in the episode
Read Transcript
Natalie Tysdal (01:30)
Shelly, it's so nice to have you on the show.
Shelly Lefkoe (01:32)
it's wonderful to be here. I love your podcast and I hope everybody goes and gives you five stars because it makes a difference and you're just bringing so much great value to people. They should know about it.
Natalie Tysdal (01:47)
appreciate you saying that very much. So when I talk to women about their health and really why I do this podcast is to help women feel better, not only physically, but mentally ⁓ in setting goals, in getting past those difficult things. And I know you work deeply with a lot of thousands of people on getting past limiting beliefs. What does that mean?
Shelly Lefkoe (02:11)
Hmm.
So underlying basically every pattern and by a pattern I mean a behavior or an emotion that you don't want in your life. So a behavioral pattern would be not taking care of yourself, procrastination, not speaking up for yourself, getting and staying in lousy relationships, not taking care of
all the areas of your life. I talk a lot about watering all the plants. And if you had a lot of plants, and I noticed you have a few back there, you would never water just one. So in our lives, we water our career plant to death, but our relationships are dying, and they're not.
Natalie Tysdal (03:11)
I'm going to tell you that it's all these plants
behind me. If you're watching on YouTube, some people are just this thing. just, just last week I was looking at his water and I'm like, Oh, this poor little plant is so dry. I think I forgot. I mean, it was dry as a bone. So I took it to the sink and I just like doused it in water, hoping it's going to survive. So it's so funny that you say this.
Shelly Lefkoe (03:14)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that's funny. So you want all your plans, all the areas of your life vibrant. And they're not usually. And underlying all of the... So the behavioral patterns are behaviors that you don't want. Emotional patterns are anxiety. You know, walk around feeling anxious or depressed or with the feeling that something bad is going to happen. So what we do...
at the Lefko Institute is we help people quickly and permanently eliminate the beliefs that cause the problems. And, but, I want to say when listening, by a belief, I want to be very clear about my definitions, okay, a belief is a statement about reality that we hold as the truth. That's what a belief is. So the beliefs,
Natalie Tysdal (04:28)
Okay.
Shelly Lefkoe (04:31)
the patterns. When you get rid of the beliefs, the patterns go away.
Natalie Tysdal (04:36)
Okay, okay. Let's go deep here right away. That's not wasting any time. That's not wasting any time. Do you think, as I'm listening to you say that, I question myself and I think every woman listening is going to be the same way. Do you think we know what those beliefs are in our lives? I listened to you and I thought, then what beliefs are holding me back? Do we all know what's holding us back?
Shelly Lefkoe (04:40)
Because you're there with me.
Mostly not.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it's very funny. The last three podcasts I did, the podcast hosts became clients. Truly. Truly. So, So, so most, most of our beliefs are unconscious. We have no idea that we have them. And if you listen to everybody, you know, that little voice in your head.
Natalie Tysdal (05:13)
You have that effect on people. boy, you make us think about our beliefs.
Mmm.
Shelly Lefkoe (05:35)
that talks to you all day and says, don't say it, you know, it's stupid, or they know that, or, you could never do that, or, you you say, I'm gonna start a business, and that little voice goes, who are you to start a business, right? So.
Natalie Tysdal (05:49)
But you don't
even know that voice is in your own head. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (05:52)
Exactly. And when you
start listening to it, you're going to start becoming aware of what your beliefs are. So that's the first way to find out that you have beliefs. But you first have to know there's something that you want to change. And I spoke in the city last night at Parley House for women and ⁓ we had a rip-roaring time looking at
You know, people got very, couple of women got really triggered because they had never thought about their beliefs. And when I started talking about how many of you have things that you want to do in life, you know, like Natalie, you you went for it. You became a, you know, a journalist and a newscaster and you got there, but so many of us and.
and we're able to say, I'm not happy and walk away. And so many of us have beliefs like, and this is what we were talking about at the beginning before we came on, what makes me good enough is being famous or achieving things or having a lot of money. But underneath those beliefs are the beliefs that we call self esteem.
beliefs. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. I'm not worthwhile. I don't matter. ⁓ So we have those beliefs and I'll tell you a little bit later how they're formed. But we have these beliefs and now we can't function with those beliefs. So we have what we call survival strategy beliefs and those beliefs
keep our beliefs underwater. So if you're watching, I have my fist in front of me and that fist is I'm not good enough. I'm not important. And now we have a belief what makes me good enough is achieving things or being famous or you know everybody ⁓ pleasing people, taking care of people, whatever yours is, is going to keep the core beliefs underwater.
Natalie Tysdal (07:50)
you
Shelly Lefkoe (08:15)
but the behavior is now driven. I have to do it because every time I stop, I'm not good enough is in my face, right? So, you know, if you have any of those beliefs, what makes me good enough is achieving things. You're gonna be working all the time. What makes me good enough is taking care of people. You're gonna be a caretaker. Guess what? Your health is gonna suffer because you're not gonna take care of you because see, if you have a belief,
I'm not important. You're not going to take care of yourself. Our beliefs determine our behavior.
Natalie Tysdal (08:48)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, but you have to identify those beliefs. You just live life, walk in just kind of, as I like to say, in survival mode of, I got to make dinner and I got to go to work and I have to work out. And you don't stop long enough to identify what your beliefs are and why they're holding you back.
Shelly Lefkoe (09:15)
Yes. And if you think about your life, you guys or ladies, I want you to think about this. When you get to the end of your life, do you want to turn around and go, eh? Or do you want to turn around and go, holy shit, that was awesome. You know, I came, I conquered, and I'm out of here. You want your life to be vibrant.
Natalie Tysdal (09:41)
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (09:45)
And so many of us, my friend Sam Horne always says, someday is not a day in the week. And so many of us say, know, someday, Monday, Monday, Monday I'm gonna go on a diet, Monday I'm gonna stop eating sugar, you know, or I'm gonna join the gym. And then you join the gym and then you don't go. I have a slide in my, ⁓ Hyman, my dear friend did ⁓ a, in person.
Summit ⁓ that I spoke at. opened up the conference every morning and ⁓ we talked about, I have a slide in my presentation and it shows the gym parking lot in January with all the cars in it and then in February the parking lot is empty. know, yeah, yeah.
Natalie Tysdal (10:40)
Always, never fails. The
gyms make so much money off of the people who don't come. Why do we do that?
Shelly Lefkoe (10:46)
Yeah, yeah. So
we do that because we have beliefs that keep us from keeping commitments and promises to yourself. You know, most of you, if you make a promise to somebody, you know, you're going to do it. But if you make a promise to yourself, you're not. And again, the most common beliefs that people have are, I'm not good enough.
I'm not important, right? Those are the two most common beliefs. the belief that ran my life was what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. So my focus, very, very common. So my focus was on, am I wearing the right thing? Did I say the right thing? Did I ask about her hair or her mother or?
Natalie Tysdal (11:33)
That's a common one, is it?
Shelly Lefkoe (11:46)
You know, that little voice in my head was very active, you know. And I'd walk away from every conversation, you know, does she like me and was I invited? And if I wasn't invited to a party, it was a big deal. And when I got rid of that belief, and I'll talk about a little bit how we do that, but when I got rid of that belief, Natalie, I swear, everybody listening, I was...
I call it my Martin Luther King Jr. moment because I was free at last. And what's really cool is, I'll you a cute story. It wasn't so cute, you know, I, for those of you who are watching, I'm making a muscle and you can see that I have very defined muscles because I weight lift. But I also have lost and gained a lot of weight.
So I have these wings, right, those chicken wings. But I like wearing sleeveless clothes. I just do, I like my shoulders, I feel comfortable. So normally, I don't look at the comments, because underneath my podcasts or my whatever I do, because I just don't have time. So I got a Google alert the other day and there was a, me speaking in front of a crowd and I,
didn't recognize it. So I clicked on it to see what it was and I see all these comments and I start reading them and they're, I love her, she's wonderful, great stuff. And then about the fifth or sixth one, someone with initials said, wow, I'm glad she's confident enough to wear a sleeveless top. Now in the past, now as a celebrity,
Natalie Tysdal (13:39)
Yeah, I want to know how that
made you feel now versus before.
Shelly Lefkoe (13:43)
You know, for those of you who saw chorus line, and I felt nothing.
Natalie Tysdal (13:49)
Thank
Shelly Lefkoe (13:53)
Now in the past, yeah, in the past that would have put me away. I mean, for three days I would have been, my God, I should never wear sleeveless and what was I thinking and blah. It was not a blip, not a blip on the radar. It's just my focus is not on me. I'm good. I'm open to feedback.
Natalie Tysdal (13:53)
I know the song, so yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (14:21)
I thought about it, I said, nah, I like it. If enough people said that, I would probably stop doing it because I don't want it to be a distraction when I'm speaking. But if one person says it, so what?
Natalie Tysdal (14:36)
someone
who didn't even care to have their name out there.
Shelly Lefkoe (14:39)
Exactly. Or for me to know, yeah, exactly. and I felt sad for that person that that's how they, you know, it's like all the poor celebrities who deal with that every day of their lives. she's fat. And they saw her kissing or smoking or whatever the hell she was doing. So my point in sharing this is there is a freedom to be my authentic self.
Natalie Tysdal (14:41)
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (15:07)
And my life is about helping people be free. The mission of my company is to help people live as the unlimited possibility that they are. So my focus needs to be on you, not me. And it is 100%. That's the freedom.
Natalie Tysdal (15:25)
Yeah. Yeah.
So first you have to identify that belief. That's important. You said what yours was. And I imagine we have a lot of these beliefs, not just one. Is there one primary that holds you back, but you have others?
Shelly Lefkoe (15:36)
Mm-hmm.
No.
Great question. So if I'm gonna use a, I love metaphors obviously. So you have a messy desk and you don't wanna have a messy desk, right? So everything on your desk is a belief, right? So I take my iPhone off the desk, I take my glasses off the desk, I take the water bottle off the desk. Now that area of the desk is clean, but I still have to take off everything on my desk.
to have a clean desk. So underlying, I'll give you a good example, fear of public speaking. It's the only pattern where everybody has the same beliefs. So there's nine beliefs and three, what we call emotional conditioning, right? Fear of rejection, fear of not living up to an expectation, and fear of criticism and judgment. But there are nine beliefs.
I'm not good enough, I'm not important, mistakes and failures are bad, if I make a mistake I'll be rejected, ⁓ what I have to say is not important, people aren't interested in what I have to say, and what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. Sometimes I'm not capable is in there. You get rid of those beliefs, you get rid of fear of public speaking. Beliefs like, I've worked with people who got sick all the time. They had the belief.
And I have to tell you how beliefs get formed so you'll have a context ⁓ for what I'm about to say. But people have the belief the way to get attention is to get sick. Because when they were kids, that's the only way they got attention. And when they get rid of that belief and others, they stop getting sick.
Natalie Tysdal (17:12)
Yes, that was one of my next questions.
Shelly Lefkoe (17:37)
People who eat junk and sugar and all the things that we're not supposed to eat a lot of, and I'm not a Nazi about that, you know, a little sugar, a little gluten, a little whatever is fine, but eat over... Right. So, although my friend Eric Edmonds always says, when people say anything in moderation, he said, really? Do you want moderate health?
Natalie Tysdal (17:54)
Yeah. ⁓
Shelly Lefkoe (18:05)
I thought that was very interesting comment, right? But you you listen to all these health podcasts and you take creatine and take this thing and take that thing and you have to eat blah, blah. I think life is to be enjoyed. But if you believe...
Natalie Tysdal (18:06)
you
.
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (18:32)
The way to feel good is to eat. You're not gonna eat carrots to feel good, right? We eat comfort food. And the interesting thing about that is food is not comfort. Food is food, right? So our beliefs make it feel like it's comfort. You know, there are people who go out and run five miles and go, my God, I feel amazing. So food is not comfort.
Natalie Tysdal (18:51)
Yes.
Shelly Lefkoe (19:02)
But we have these beliefs that the way to ⁓ get rid of pain is to eat. Because when you were a kid, you were in pain and you ate and you felt good for five minutes and you went, ⁓ this is the way to feel good. Yeah, so here's how beliefs get formed. We come into this life and we don't know if we're good enough or not good enough, important or not important.
Natalie Tysdal (19:18)
comfort.
Shelly Lefkoe (19:30)
We don't know that there is a thing called mistakes and failures, right? These are arbitrary distinctions. So you come here and I always say, you come in as a little ball of consciousness and before you make any distinctions, they don't exist. You don't even know you're separate from your mother. So what happens is you come into this little family.
And what is the one word question every child asks all day long? One word question, why? Everybody knows that, people with kids, people without kids, everybody knows that. And kids want three things, affection, attention, and acknowledgement. Okay, I asked that question last night, everybody said that. I asked my client in Uganda, she said that, okay?
Natalie Tysdal (20:04)
Why?
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (20:25)
Every child wants affection, attention, and acknowledgement. So if you're not getting acknowledgement and you're getting criticized all the time, as we do as kids, you're going to conclude, why? Why can't I live up to my parents' expectations? Well, I guess I'm not good enough. Right? Why am I not getting attention? Well, I guess I'm not important. And, you know, ⁓ why are my parents fighting all the time?
Well, I guess relationships don't work. Why does my dad control my mom like that? Well, I guess men have all the power. And you grow up with these beliefs and guess what? They manifest, right? If you believe, you know, or if your dad leaves, you might conclude men leave or I'm not what men want. ⁓ Money is scarce and hard to get. Life is hard.
Natalie Tysdal (21:10)
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (21:24)
One of the beliefs when I say to people, do you believe life is hard? Say life is hard. And they go, life is hard. Like, what are you talking about? That's the truth, right? ⁓ There's one belief.
that very much underlies health issues, not taking care of yourself, and that is the only belief. So the way that you know you have a belief is you say it, and I'm gonna have you do this in a minute, and it doesn't feel good to say it, okay? Because a belief is just words. And if you say I'm a monkey, that doesn't feel anything, right? So we...
Natalie Tysdal (22:01)
Mmm.
Shelly Lefkoe (22:11)
We create beliefs based on what happens to us when we get here. Now, once you have these... ⁓
Natalie Tysdal (22:21)
I'm getting nervous. You're going to
ask me, I'm like, no, something's going to come out. don't know. So I'm just my, I'm being honest with you. Like you're going to ask me a question. I'm, I'm starting to feel nervous about what is it that I don't know what these beliefs are. So, okay, continue. I just had to, I had to tell you what was going on in my head and my heart.
Shelly Lefkoe (22:37)
So, okay, so thank you. Okay,
So we form beliefs based on what happens when we get here. Now we have self-esteem beliefs, right? I'm not important, I'm not good enough, whatever. Now, one day, you get acknowledged for grades and goals. You can see I like alliteration. Grades and goals, right? So you conclude, what makes me good enough or what makes me important is achieving things.
You know, maybe you're in sports and you get applause and everybody's going, my God, she's the best, you know. Now you become a workaholic because of what makes you good enough for your achievements, you have to keep achieving. And if you're a workaholic, guess who's not taking care of their health? You're on the way home, you're stopping for fast food. You tell somebody, out and get me lunch. And you have a sandwich at your desk. So your health starts to deteriorate.
This is what, if you have the belief you have to work hard to make money. Your parents worked themselves to death, you watched, and the interesting thing is people who have the belief you have to work hard to make money generally don't make a lot of money. They just work hard. They make money, they make a living. But people who are very, very wealthy mostly don't work hard in a lot of cases. They learned how to staff it out.
Richard Branson says, I love to start businesses. I don't like running them. So he hires people to run his businesses and he's on Necker Island having a great time, right? So I'm gonna keep bringing this back to health because this is a health podcast, but we have areas of our lives where we're watering them to the detriment of our health.
Natalie Tysdal (24:19)
Yeah, I hear a bunch of people.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It all, it all makes so much sense. And yet here in my fifties and for many people, they still don't identify with what that belief is that they're holding so tight to.
Shelly Lefkoe (24:56)
So again, it's not that belief. It's a lot of beliefs. So we have a program that gets rid of 19 of the most common self-esteem beliefs, including what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me, and including mistakes and failures are bad. It's great program. It's not expensive. And I'm going to give you an opportunity at the end to eliminate a belief for free. So you will see, because I don't have time to take you through it.
Natalie Tysdal (25:01)
Okay.
Okay.
Shelly Lefkoe (25:25)
But I want everybody, everybody take a deep breath.
Okay? Now, if you're able, if you're in a place where you can do this, I want you to say out loud, I'm not good enough.
Natalie Tysdal (25:44)
I'm not good enough.
Shelly Lefkoe (25:49)
Now say, I'm a monkey.
Natalie Tysdal (25:51)
I'm a monkey.
Shelly Lefkoe (25:53)
Now, the question is, do they feel the same or different?
Natalie Tysdal (25:57)
Hmm. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (26:00)
Now, if it didn't feel good to say, I'm not good enough, it's because you have that belief. And let me tell you, standing in front of the mirror, doing affirmations and saying, I'm good enough, I'm good enough, I'm good enough. Number one, the only person who has to do that is somebody who believes they're not. So you're reaffirming it. Second thing is,
Natalie Tysdal (26:21)
Right.
Shelly Lefkoe (26:25)
Here's a belief, so I know most of you aren't watching, but I have a fist in front of me. That belief is, I'm not good enough, okay? Now watch. I'm good enough, I'm good enough, I'm good enough. I'm tapping my fist in all over. You can't put something where there is already something. So you have to remove, disappear the fist. I'm not good enough.
Now you don't have to stand in front of a mirror. I don't get up in the morning going, I'm good enough, I'm good enough.
Natalie Tysdal (26:56)
Yeah, I never
really understood that. mean, I, I'm, I'm, I believe we should, especially for kids, like you tell them certain things that they start to believe, but I've never really understood that whole notion of like, just keep telling yourself this thing and it'll change. Like, yeah, it is exhausting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (27:11)
It's so silly. It's so silly. And it's exhausting, even if it's working for you. Who wants to spend their life doing that?
So whether, if you look at your life and you say, what's not working? So I always say to people, what do you want to change? That's my question. What do you want to change? If you're happy, knock yourself out. But look at your life. What do you want to change? Are you taking care of?
You are not saying to the detriment of your children or your partner or your work, right? Listen, my husband died 10 years ago. I am the people girl. You can put me in front of an audience of 5,000 people, I'm good. Run a business? Are you kidding me? If I gave you a list of 20 things I want to do,
That ain't on it. So I'm left with this business to run.
I had to, and if you bring me back, I'll talk about a whole other piece of this, which is meaning and emotions. So the meaning I was giving it is, my God, I'm gonna starve to death. Meaning, the meaning that you give events cause all your feelings. They don't like me, she's gonna fire me. ⁓
All day long, we give meaning, okay? And I'll talk about that in a minute. But going back to my husband dying, I have a business to run.
Now, my...
I had to work on certain things, I stepped up, I took over the business. But guess what? I have a belief from my mother that life should be fun. And fun and friends is the most important thing in life. Guess what? I play pickleball seven days a week or I'm out with friends. Okay? Last night I spoke in the city, my friend came with me. Everything's gonna be fun for me, right? So...
Even though I have a business, I make sure that fun is a part of my life. I don't work nights, I don't work weekends. And I have people in every time zone imaginable. I don't work, and I didn't even when I saw clients in person. I have boundaries. Why? Because I have the belief that life's not worth living if you're not having fun. And I love my work. And...
Again, if you look at your life, what are your beliefs that have you living the life you're living? And is it the life you want to live? And Natalie, you are such a great example of that. You had fame and stardom and all that, and everybody's going, you're on television? my goodness, right? Feed the old, and you just got up one day and went, I don't want to do this. I just don't.
Natalie Tysdal (30:08)
Boy, yeah. Yeah.
Why would you give that up? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. The world told me it was a dumb idea. Everybody. Yeah. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (30:30)
And guess what? ⁓ my God. There
are people who are making, I had a client who called me and he said, I'm on the cover of business publications. I'm worth $10 million. In those days, that was a lot of money. It was a long time ago. I know, $10 million is still a lot of money, but people laugh when I say that. ⁓ And he didn't know his kids.
Natalie Tysdal (30:48)
Yeah.
Still a lot of money, but yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (31:00)
His second wife was ready to divorce him. He said, I keep promising my kids I'm gonna come home for their plays and their games and I never make it. And I'm miserable. I don't take care of myself. And we got rid of his beliefs and his whole life changed.
Natalie Tysdal (31:18)
We don't know who it was. So what was the belief that what's a typical belief of someone like that living not in their truth.
Shelly Lefkoe (31:24)
I'm
not important and what makes me important are my achievements. And I have to work hard to be successful.
Natalie Tysdal (31:34)
Okay, so I know you've got a whole program in this, give us a snapshot. How do get rid of the belief?
Shelly Lefkoe (31:40)
Okay, so I want you to imagine you think Natalie doesn't like you. And Natalie and I are standing on the sidewalk, we're talking, and you walk past us and Natalie doesn't say hello to you.
Natalie Tysdal (31:59)
You build a whole story about this. Yep, I hear this all the time.
Shelly Lefkoe (32:00)
Would, right, and wouldn't
you say to me, see, see, I told you Natalie doesn't like me. It is as if you could see Natalie doesn't like me. Can you see Natalie doesn't like me? Or can you see Natalie walk by you and not say hello and not say hello? We think, okay, so.
Natalie Tysdal (32:23)
Just walking by, yeah, just walking by.
Shelly Lefkoe (32:30)
Think about Santa Claus. You think, you believe in Santa Claus. Not you think, you believe. There is a Santa Claus, I saw him, he came down my chimney on Christmas, he has a red suit, white beard. One day, this happened to my niece, she was the last of the cousins, and we're all sitting there, her father, my cousin's husband, walks in, and he goes, ho ho ho, and she usually screams.
And all of a sudden she goes, daddy.
In that moment, she saw Santa Claus wasn't real. She made it up. What happens to your belief in Santa Claus?
Natalie Tysdal (33:17)
⁓ crashed. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (33:19)
gone,
but it never comes back. It's gone. When you're a child and you get criticized by your parents, like my father used to say, what's wrong with you? You don't use your head. You just don't think. He used to make this sound, ⁓ again, you did it. know, so that was so New York Jew. Again, you did it. That was my parents, right?
Natalie Tysdal (33:46)
you
Shelly Lefkoe (33:52)
So we conclude, we ask why, I'm not good enough. I can't live up to my parents' expectations because I'm not good enough. I don't get A's, I must not be good enough. And here's the secret sauce. It is as if you saw I'm not good enough.
And it is impossible to not believe something you think you saw.
If somebody said to you, Shelly's a blonde, you'd say, or if somebody said to you, Natalie's got black hair, you'd say, no, she doesn't. She's a blonde. No, she has black hair. No, because you saw Natalie's hair, blonde hair. So you would not believe, right? Or Natalie doesn't care about people and she doesn't care about health. No, I saw she does. So it seems like we see our beliefs.
Natalie Tysdal (34:35)
Yeah, right.
Shelly Lefkoe (34:49)
or saw our beliefs in the world. I saw life was hard. No, you saw your parents' struggle. So listen, everybody listen. This is very important. Anything you could see, so I'm holding up my iPhone. Anything you could see has a color, shape, and location. Yes?
Natalie Tysdal (35:17)
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (35:19)
Can you see I'm not good enough? Can you see life is hard? If you have a mom who never pays attention to you except when you get sick, it feels like you're seeing the way to get attention is to get sick. Guess what? You get sick.
Natalie Tysdal (35:23)
Now.
No.
Yeah, yeah, and you don't even realize you're doing it. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (35:52)
And
when you get rid of these beliefs and you get, I never saw the way to get attention is to get sick. I saw getting attention when I got sick from my mother when I was little. And the only place the belief exists is in your mind. You made that up.
Natalie Tysdal (36:16)
In your head. Yep. Yeah.
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (36:19)
Now the secret is to get rid of the beliefs that underlie the specific patterns. So ⁓ if you go to at ShelleyLefko, L-E-F-K-O-E, at ShelleyLefko and you write Breakthrough27 on Instagram, we will send you access
to eliminate a belief for free so you can have a sense of how to do it. And then that takes you to a program we call natural confidence, which is getting rid of 19 of the most self, you know, ⁓ the beliefs that really underlie every pattern. In other words, no matter what you're gonna work on, if you ever worked with me or whatever, whatever you're gonna work on, these beliefs,
are the most important ones to start with. They're the self-esteem beliefs. Once you get rid of that, now they're not the illness beliefs, they're not the, but if you get rid of them not important, you'll start taking care of yourself. Maybe, you you gotta look at what, and if you ask yourself the question, what must I, what would someone believe to not take care of herself, but to take care of others?
Natalie Tysdal (37:31)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (37:48)
other people are more important than me. And we have those, our parents tell
Natalie Tysdal (37:50)
Yeah, yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (37:55)
things like that. If you take care of yourself, you're
Natalie Tysdal (37:57)
Yeah. Right. It's just always coming out.
Give me a few examples. Before we started, you were sharing with me, I know you've worked
some high profile people. You've worked with average people, like everybody, so many different people. Give me a few examples that maybe someone can relate to.
Shelly Lefkoe (38:14)
Okay, so, ⁓ God.
Natalie Tysdal (38:18)
I know you do some favors, the big ones.
Shelly Lefkoe (38:19)
So your
health guys. So Mark Hyman, Dr. Mark Hyman. ⁓ Love him. Love him, love him. So he's my friend. And ⁓ he came to me ⁓ and he was a workaholic and he shared this on his podcast. I have, so I can share it. So he came to me and he was a workaholic.
Natalie Tysdal (38:25)
Love him. Yeah.
So you can share his story.
Shelly Lefkoe (38:47)
And he was very, very driven. And he was exhausted and his health was suffering. And ⁓ we got rid of beliefs. He had a stepfather who was horrendous, just horrendous. And ⁓ he had the same beliefs everybody else has. I'm not important. And what makes me important is achieving things and ⁓ helping people. And he was like,
driven to do that. And ⁓ now he doesn't feel driven anymore. He took a break for a while. It was very exciting. And now he does what he does out of love. And he only does the things that he loves. But he's no longer driven. He's not proving anything. He doesn't have to do it. You know, it's really about his incredible passion to help people. And he is so...
passionate about that, that that drives him, not his beliefs. ⁓ I had a client who, ⁓ god, I'm so afraid to share this. I've had some miracles. I had a client who had MS who is now not walking with sticks anymore. ⁓ She got rid of, can't remember what her beliefs were. ⁓ I've worked with,
Natalie Tysdal (40:01)
You don't have to give in.
Shelly Lefkoe (40:17)
I talked about the workaholic. ⁓
My most exciting client was somebody who was sex trafficked. And she had PTSD, severe, severe. ⁓ I will talk about that. She's amazing now. She goes out, she just had a spread in Vanity Fair. She did a photo thing at a political rally and she wasn't working, she wasn't functioning. And now she's, I call her Ms. Normal.
She's amazing. And in like 20 sessions, I mean, it wasn't like, you know, she was with me for five years. You know, that's the thing I love about my work. It's fast. You don't have to sit in therapy for 15 years. ⁓ But I do want to talk about this one last thing.
Natalie Tysdal (41:02)
Yeah. Yeah.
Shelly Lefkoe (41:10)
sexual abuse survivors have beliefs.
And that can result in eating disorders. It can result in self-mutilation. It can result in all kinds of things, okay? So that's my favorite population of people to work with, people who are either incested, raped, or just molested as kids. When you get rid of beliefs like I'm damaged goods, I'm worthless, I'm powerless,
It was my fault. worked with, ⁓ I worked with a college student. So bizarre. One of my clients said to me, I'm getting divorced. She's very, very wealthy. And it was gonna cause a lot of problems. So I'm getting divorced. My daughter, I don't know how she's gonna take it. Will you work with her to make sure she's okay? I said, sure. I get on and I look at this kid's face and I said, sweetheart.
What happened to you? I mean, I'm working with people for 35 years and she looks at me and she goes, my mom doesn't know this, but I was two years ago, I was date raped. And I said, my God, what did you conclude? I'm damaged goods. was my fault. We had two sessions. The beliefs went away. And what I get people to see is what happens to you.
doesn't traumatize you. It is while it's happening, but what traumatizes you is what you conclude about what happened. And it's late in the podcast, I can't talk about this piece. And I hope I can come back and talk about it because I can teach you a way to get rid of negative emotions in the moment by dissolving the meaning we give events. And when you get
that meaning is in your mind. It's not in events. Events have no meaning. I don't know anything for sure because you were molested when you were a child. It just happens. And you get rid of the beliefs that you formed. had, I mean this kid, her whole face cracked and smiled. But I had a woman who was incested by her father when she was five years, three to 12.
And when we got rid of the beliefs, she said, Chelly, I feel whole for the first time in my life.
Natalie Tysdal (43:50)
Wow. Yeah, you hold onto these things and you think you can shove them down and just move past it and be strong. But it's just so deep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. boy, we could talk forever, couldn't we? So we will have to do another one. I think we will. I think we will. We'll save the negative emotions for another time because it's been so helpful, so enlightening.
Shelly Lefkoe (44:00)
and eat yourself to death. Yeah, yeah.
Natalie Tysdal (44:19)
And for anyone listening, you might not know you have these beliefs, but really think about it and take that time in what's limiting you. Okay, Shelly, so ⁓ where can people find you?
Shelly Lefkoe (44:33)
Okay, so the first thing is go to
at Shelley Lefko, sorry, yeah, at Shelley Lefko, and then type in Breakthrough 27, okay? You can also, if you're not on Instagram, you can go to lefkoinstitute.com, and if you want to have a free strategy session, if you sign up on Instagram, you can get that.
⁓ And if you just want information about us, lefcoinstitute.com.
Natalie Tysdal (45:08)
Okay, thank you so much for what you do and all the people you've helped and for taking the time to talk with me today.
Shelly Lefkoe (45:13)
You're welcome, it was my joy.
Natalie Tysdal (45:16)
All right, we'll talk again soon.
Shelly Lefkoe (45:18)
Okay, thanks. Thanks for listening, everyone.
