Breaking the Silence: What Midlife Women Need to Know About Menopause, Hormone Changes, and Self-Advocacy

Natalie Tysdal (01:48)

Angela, it's a pleasure to have you on today. My favorite topic in helping women over 50, but I know it's not just about those over 50. Tell me how you got where you are.

Angela Burk (01:59)

Well

of all, thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure to be with you. how I got where I am actually started when I was 35. I had an idea for a book when I was 35. I felt like I was at a crossroads in my life. I was pursuing a career. had two kids at that time. I was in a relationship and everything about my life just felt chaotic and it was changing. And so I had a book idea. It was going to be called The Real Girl's Guide to Over 35 and I compiled everything.

about the book into a red folder. And that folder had chapter outlines and notes and questions and I knew that I had questions that people weren't talking about, my friend group wasn't talking about them, and I was just looking for answers. And like most things that happen in life, that folder got buried. And when I retired in December, I found the folder.

Natalie Tysdal (02:53)

Just this, in that December or recently?

Angela Burk (02:57)

so December of 24, I retired and I was cleaning out my desk and I found the folder and I opened it and I thought, man, a lot of the same questions that I had, I still had.

I had them then, I have them now, and the reality is people weren't talking, even my friend group, we weren't talking about things like menopause and side effects and libido. We weren't talking about the struggles we were facing as women and we weren't talking about all the things happening around us. And I found the folder and I thought, well, if I'm struggling, other women have to be as well. So now's the time, let's write this book.

Natalie Tysdal (03:34)

Wow,

well, and I don't think when, at least when I was in my 30s, we didn't talk about it. I we didn't have social media. We weren't as candid. You know, our moms didn't really talk about it with us as much. So now it's like, just all out there. It just is what it is. We're able to finally identify what some of these issues are and not be embarrassed about it.

Angela Burk (03:55)

That's right, and I think in much the same way, what I realized was I held a lot of shame and confusion about these things that I was suffering from. And my mom, whom I'm very close to, her generation didn't talk about those things. We had no platforms back when I was kind of coming up through the height of my menopause transition. And so I knew that I needed to label the things that were happening to me. I needed to put a name to them. I needed to talk to other women who shared their amazing stories. And I wanted to seek out expertise.

advice because there has to be better ways to manage and so that you know combined were the reasons why I wrote the

Natalie Tysdal (04:32)

Okay,

so you've now got a blog. The blog has blown up. You have this book coming out. What have you found the most interesting to people or the most shocking or the most like, I have to know more about that because these are the people that you're communicating with every day. These are your people.

Angela Burk (04:52)

Yeah, I mean, I think that there were a lot of things that sort of carried through as themes, right? I

a

of them were the fact that, like myself, many of us struggled with this idea that we were not enough, that just being us was not sufficient. ⁓ I think that a lot of us struggled with this idea of saying no. ⁓ And I think a lot of us...

Because of all the hormonal changes, parts of ourselves that we used to recognize, we didn't recognize anymore. And it provided me with so much, I don't know if comfort's the right word, but ⁓ a relief, an exhale to know that I wasn't alone in how I was feeling. And it was surprising to me how many women just openly shared their struggles and also what's working for them. Because man, it takes a village. And so it's been a revelation, actually.

to encounter so many of these amazing women and be educated with things that I hadn't even thought about doing myself.

Natalie Tysdal (05:57)

Yeah, yeah.

Well, let's get to some tips, some real advice. mean, I think we have these beliefs and we talked about this right as we were about to start and I said, don't talk yet. Let's talk about it as we start recording. We have these beliefs of what our moms went through or what we think. Like I remember a birthday party someone had when I was little and someone was turning 50 and it was they were over the hill and everything was black. So now in my 50s I'm like.

Wow, am I old? Like we have these beliefs that society gave us, but then beliefs that we've given ourselves, these limiting types of beliefs. So how do we get over that? How do we move on and feel like, wait a minute, we're really not old. We're still young. We're just dealing with different things.

Angela Burk (06:45)

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a really great question. think that, you know, a lot of these beliefs have been modeled for us, right? We saw it in our moms, our grandmothers, people around us. ⁓ And for me personally, and for a lot of the women that I talk to in writing the book and in writing the blog, we're sort of taught to keep the peace, right? To play small, to be quiet, and I think, and to shrink. And I think that actually colors, at least for me personally, it colored a lot of how I viewed a lot of these changes that were happening, right? I just was like,

Well, it just must be what it's like to be a woman so I have to suck it up and roll with the punches and so I think that that's one of the limiting beliefs I think another one is you know we write a lot of internal stories about ourselves and I personally and a lot of the women that I talked to and As well as the experts right I I talked to probably a dozen different psychologists life coaches and a variety of different transition experts for the book and We write a lot of stories about ourselves and their internal stories that sort

Natalie Tysdal (07:27)

Mm-hmm.

Angela Burk (07:45)

of direct our actions and I think that that also is kind of a limiting belief and it clouds, at least for me, how my, I saw these outward changes in my body as I got older. I saw my appearance change, my hormones were all over the place, all the things that I knew to be true about myself were changing and these stories though kind of gave me this lens that I saw them all through which was not the right lens and so I think, you know, it's a matter of

Natalie Tysdal (08:05)

These stories though, kind of gave me this lens that I saw them all through, which was not the right lens. And so, I think, you know, it's a matter of

Angela Burk (08:15)

acknowledging that these things exist that I might personally still feel 25 I don't look 25 but I might feel 25

Natalie Tysdal (08:15)

acknowledging that these things exist, that I might personally still feel 25. I don't look 25, but I might feel 25.

Angela Burk (08:23)

and that we don't have to stay silent we don't have to just accept what's happening to us without trying to make a change and I think for me a lot of these limiting beliefs sort of kept me silent for a long time

Natalie Tysdal (08:23)

And that we don't have to stay silent. We don't have to just accept what's happening to us without trying to make a change. And I think for me, a lot of these limiting beliefs sort of kept me silent for a long time.

Yeah.

I think they do. But now that we know, we don't have to be silent. Like there are things we can do medically, physically, emotionally, ways that we can help ourselves. So what are some of those things you would recommend?

Angela Burk (08:50)

I think a lot of it starts with just knowing that you're not alone. I think that a lot of these, if you just take the changes that happen in our bodies with our hormones from perimenopause through menopause.

Natalie Tysdal (08:54)

Yes.

Angela Burk (09:04)

It can feel, I know for me and for some of the women that I've spoken to, it can feel very isolating. Like, I must be the only one dealing with these things. So first of all, I think knowing that you're not alone and having the safety and the confidence to start voicing the things that are changing for you, right? That can be as small as, hey, my cycles are changing if I'm dealing with menopause and I'm becoming rageful, I'm becoming irritable, I'm annoyed, and voicing these things to your doctor.

Natalie Tysdal (09:17)

you

Angela Burk (09:34)

And

so that to me is, these are two really important steps. When it comes to our health, not taking no for an answer. I know...

myself, I took no for an answer for a long time. Because I thought, well, the doctor must know something I don't know. So if the answer is no hormones, because I had a cancer diagnosis in my late 20s that was a non-reproductive cancer, but that kind of clouded the way I saw my own hormonal journey. And what I sort of listened to from my doctor, I needed to stop taking no for an answer. And I also think that in writing the book and in writing the blog,

Natalie Tysdal (09:53)

late 20s that was a non-reproductive cancer but that kind of clouded the way I saw my own hormonal journey.

Angela Burk (10:12)

It's amazing how many different conversations I am having with the same group of women that I've known forever. We're talking about libido. We're talking about desire. We're talking about the physical changes that are happening. We're talking about the emotional, the spiritual, the changes that are happening with how we're showing up in our world. And we just didn't do that 10, 15, 20 years ago. Certainly my mom's generation didn't. And so I think that these combination of things

allow us to just start having the conversation. And it's starting with, hey, you're not alone. And these things are not in your head.

Natalie Tysdal (10:51)

and being open enough, vulnerable enough ⁓ to talk about it with your mom, she might be uncomfortable.

grandma ⁓ and with your friends. And you know, think even searching for, I mean, this is where social media can be good, where we can go out there and we can type in menopause expert or, ⁓ you know, life after 50 for women, whatever that is, and find some people who are talking about it. you do kind of wake up and think, ⁓ they're going through the same thing.

So I love that connection that you're saying we should make so important for getting past. That helps us get to the emotional side of it where we don't feel isolated.

Angela Burk (11:35)

It's so true and I think a lot of it for me is this idea that I knew I wasn't alone. I had to acknowledge and put names to the things that I was feeling in my experiences and I had to also give myself permission to say this is not in my head. These things that I'm...

Seeing the behaviors that I'm I'm kind of falling into The the ways that my body was changing the ways that my appearance were changing like all the things I am NOT crazy It is actually happening to me and it's biological and it's scientific and for me personally it gave me Like it was just like a big exhale. It's like, okay

Now that I know that, it also gave me the power to do something. And for me, in a lot of ways, it started with not only writing, ⁓ which was a big do something for me, but also just in the conversations I was having with my doctors, you know, and voicing things. ⁓ And that small action, might seem overwhelming, but just sitting down and going, hey, I am feeling this way. This is not normal. This is not in my head. And I want to do something.

Natalie Tysdal (12:48)

Yeah.

Angela Burk (12:50)

about it.

Natalie Tysdal (12:51)

Tell me about

in your research in the book, traditional medicine versus kind the alternative medicine acknowledging some of this. I have found a real difference in that in traditional medicine. Often my OB-GYN, went in for a pap smear and this was someone that I hadn't seen before. he was like, hormones are the worst thing in the world. Why would you do that? It's not natural. I'm advising that you never do that. And then I go to my functional doctor and they're like, you don't have to feel like crap every day.

We can help you. Now that could be different with some traditional doctors saying it's okay, but I have found a real difference in that and I talked to both here on the

Angela Burk (13:31)

Yeah.

Well, and I can tell you, I'll relate it from my own experience and also from ⁓ not only the women that I interviewed for the book, but also a variety of doctors that I interviewed. And I think from my own experience, I, like you, sort of had a similar situation. I saw the same OB for about 25 years. So she delivered my children and was very comfortable with her. So when I started having issues, which for me surfaced in my late 30s, the answer was always no hormones. Just it was a no.

it was always because I had this cancer. So I never pushed it. And it wasn't until I kind of traversed through the perimenopause, I entered, I guess, menopause with that magical 12 months of no period when I was 47. And I really was under the impression, like so many women are, that once you kind of cross that threshold, you get to turn in your menopause card. Like it's over. You've checked all the boxes. The run-up was not great. ⁓

Once you hit that point, we're done. The reality is we were not. I was not. That is the experience of so many women. I've had two or three phases that have emerged since then. Sometimes with a reoccurrence of the same symptoms, sometimes brand new symptoms. I went back to my doctor about six months ago and I said, I'm dealing with some bladder issues which are just out of control. All I do is talk about pee pads and my bladder, I feel like.

also noticed my rage was kinda coming back and my libido had changed. And my doctor just kinda gave me the sympathetic nod and the shoulder shrug. I was like, mm, yeah. And then she went on to say, maybe you and your partner, my fiance, need to go on more dates. And I thought, man, this is not the answer.

Natalie Tysdal (15:10)

Yeah, and then she went on to say maybe you and your partner, my fiance, need to go on more dates.

Angela Burk (15:22)

And so in dealing with so many experts in the book, traditional as well as functional medicine doctors, the message that I was getting was 100 % clear. Do not take no for an answer. And if you're not getting...

Natalie Tysdal (15:34)

If you're not getting

Angela Burk (15:36)

addressed if your symptoms are being dismissed if you're getting the shoulder shrug or Feeling like you're you're being gaslit find a new doctor and I went through two or three

Natalie Tysdal (15:36)

addressed, your symptoms are being dismissed, if you're getting the shoulder shrug, or feeling like you're being gaslit, find a new doctor. And I went through two...

Angela Burk (15:46)

doctors to find somebody who I felt finally listened to me and and told me you do not have to do this alone and For me because I was so far past the timeline for my own onset of symptoms She also assured me that it was not too late

And so I think the reality is, both types of doctors have a place. But we as women have got to take control over what is happening in our body. And if we're not getting the answers, we're not feeling heard, it is on us, unfortunately, to find a care provider who will give us answers and who will hear us. And again, it kind of like puts all the onus back on us. But in reality, we have to take charge.

Natalie Tysdal (16:34)

Yeah, I couldn't

agree more. I mean, I'm a health journalist. I've been interviewing doctors for 30 years and you will have different answers across the board. Of course, we need to look at the science and studies, but some people are just going to listen differently or they'll believe differently or they'll do different tests. I there are different ways to test these things as well. So, or you can even do it by yourself now. Like you can, you can go and get your own blood tests to see where your hormone levels are.

Angela Burk (17:02)

Yeah.

Natalie Tysdal (17:02)

So

do the research. mean, AI is great for that. You can look up how to do it. And then you can actually put your labs in and have it read these things. And it's not

I mean, it's just reading the labs for you.

Angela Burk (17:15)

think it even starts with knowing what you should be asking for. A big part of my book is not just for us women over 50. We're a very important demographic. We're very large demographic and we're starting to become more vocal. But I also have two sisters who are in their late 30s. I feel like there is so much that women who are in their 30s, in their 40s could benefit from and will benefit from because those of us like us are talking more.

back

then, if I trace it back to 37 when I started to notice a significant change in my cycles, I never knew that I should be asking for testing. So I take that as one marker. Then I fast forward to 47 when my period stopped. I had no idea that I should have been getting some sort of hormonal checks up and through that point. So when I went back to my OB just six months ago, I said to her like, hey, can we do some new labs?

Now, to benchmark where I am today versus where I was at 47, she said, you never had tests at 47. And we don't do labs, and your insurance won't pay for them. So here I was sitting, feeling completely gas lit behind the eight ball on everything. Like I was, I had no data. And then I had a doctor telling me, no, we're not gonna do labs. So that was an eye opener for me.

Natalie Tysdal (18:41)

Yeah. Wow. So

what did you do and what do you recommend?

Angela Burk (18:45)

I found another doctor. So what I recommend is even when for women in their 30s and 40s, start to pay attention to your body. If you're starting to notice changes in your mental state, in your cycles, talk to your doctor. Have conversations. Don't wait until you're 12 months past a period and you've entered this menopause phase.

Pay attention to what's happening in your body and talk to your doctor. And if you're getting answers like, well, maybe you just need to go on Prozac. I hear this all the time from women. The answer is no, no, no, I think you need to either date your husband or your partner more ⁓ or take an antidepressant. ⁓ But talk to your doctor. And if your doctor is giving you dismissive answers, find a new doctor.

Natalie Tysdal (19:33)

Yeah.

Angela Burk (19:33)

and track where you're

at. And I think one of the things that helped me even going into this appointment six months ago was having a list of labs that I should have had.

I had no idea what they were. You know, here I am, I'm an educated woman. I am in tune with my body. I eat well, I exercise, but there was this whole slice of my life that the biology, this thing that has been in my life since I was 11 when I got my period that I really knew very little about, to be honest with

Natalie Tysdal (19:45)

Wow.

Yeah,

yeah.

Well, and it's not hard to understand those things now with the information so readily available and how to track it. Apps that track it, websites that tell you. understanding that, like we really don't have an excuse. We have to know it. We can't just go into the doctor and expect that they're going to tell us what to do.

Angela Burk (20:26)

No, we can't. And I think too, you raised this earlier. think with the fact that our mothers, our sisters, our aunts, ⁓ women are having more conversations now than they were 20 years ago is a big benefit. So I think it's like listen to the people that are talking and also ⁓ research, right? And there's a plethora of information. You as a medical journalist know this far more than I do, but there's a staggering amount of information. And sometimes even for me,

Natalie Tysdal (20:40)

Yeah. ⁓

Angela Burk (20:56)

overwhelming and so I have to find the things that are similar to my symptoms that are science-backed that are kind of making sense for me and then I try to kind of piece these things together ⁓ because there is there's a lot of information that's available now which I think is fantastic. Now it's like we've got to kind of teach women okay how do you how do you take that in how do you discern it how do you make it make sense in your head and then what do you do with it?

Natalie Tysdal (21:24)

Yeah, you're

speaking my language there it's curating that information because although social media the information like it's all out there But it can be completely overwhelming where you don't know where to start or you're getting bad information in some places So it's understanding what's for me. What's right? What's scientifically backed and knowing what you're following? I want to talk a little bit more about the book ⁓

Angela Burk (21:26)

Yes.

Natalie Tysdal (21:49)

and give me some other tips that I know you've interviewed a lot of people and you did a lot of the research. So what other advice would you have for

Angela Burk (21:59)

Yep.

So a couple things so the book is called the real girls guide to midlife. ⁓ It will be out in the middle of December We're aiming for December 15th, which is very exciting and the book is really Surfacing through my own stories that those of other women and experts all the things that happen to us in this midlife whether it's our identity our appearance ⁓ our ⁓ our roles as mothers and partners and caregivers ⁓ careers hormones all the things that are happening and I think you know if

It's funny, it's raw, it's very real, but it's backed by a volume of us who are struggling with the same things. And so for me, it's kind of a big exhale because I knew I wasn't alone and this book proved to me that I wasn't alone and that was hugely helpful. And I think, you know, a couple of the things that I learned from the book and writing the book is, you know, number one, ⁓

Natalie Tysdal (22:49)

Yeah.

Angela Burk (23:00)

you're not alone. think we've talked about that as a theme. Number two, there are things that we can put into practice today that can change the trajectory of the years we have left. ⁓ Those things could be as small as learning how to say no without an essay, which is something I still struggle with, ⁓ acknowledging that we can't out hustle the stories that we tell ourselves and resting and saying no and setting boundaries is

These are not signs of failure. They're signs of protection and we have to do that for ourselves. And I think the big thing is really, when you are finally at a point where you're acknowledging that things are happening and you're sitting with doctors, you're sitting with professionals and you're not getting the answers that you feel like you need, or worse, you're being outright dismissed, find different people. Taking no.

and running with like, okay, I guess we're gonna have to raw dog this is just insufficient. You don't. There are answers, there is help. And taking that step is critical.

Natalie Tysdal (24:01)

Yeah. Yeah.

It takes it takes time to find the right people but I like to think of it like dating. I just haven't done that for a long time but you have to find a person that you feel chemistry with. You feel I get okay I believe you. I trust you and you know not all doctors and I've certainly experienced this have ⁓

the best bedside manner or you might not connect with them, but you will know when they're listening to you and giving you the answers. Now they might not always have answers you want, but at least they're listening to what your concerns are and they're giving you steps to take. And it's not just go home with this. That's all you've got.

Angela Burk (24:48)

100 % and it really I think starts with us. It's being able to say out loud, hey, you for me it was six months ago my bladder's changing. It's not a fun topic, it's not a sexy topic, but it's a real topic. The other one was, hey, my libido's changing.

Natalie Tysdal (24:51)

it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Angela Burk (25:07)

Things, and it wasn't anything environmental. It was me. My desire was different, you know? And it's being able to say what you need out loud or putting a name and a label to what you're feeling and not being

Natalie Tysdal (25:14)

Yeah.

Angela Burk (25:22)

And not being embarrassed. No. No.

Natalie Tysdal (25:22)

Yeah, not being embarrassed. You said ashamed and embarrassed. Like, I don't want to talk about that. You have to talk

about

Angela Burk (25:28)

You

have to talk about it. And that's, think, what has been so beautiful about the blog. You know, I talk about a lot of things that are super funny. I talk about a lot of things that are very vulnerable. ⁓ But I put a name to them. And I just, you know, I share my story. Other women share theirs. And it's like this network effect. You know, ⁓ the more I share, the more women share, the more doctors come in and experts come in. It's like all of a sudden we're having a conversation about pee pads. We're having a conversation about sex. We're having a conversation about parenting adults.

Natalie Tysdal (25:44)

Yeah.

Angela Burk (25:58)

you know, all the other things that come with this transition that we're in. And I'm really proud of that and I'm grateful

it.

Natalie Tysdal (26:06)

Well,

I'm grateful that you're talking about it and making it easier for everyone else to talk about it. You mentioned the book, and I'll be sure and put a link. Tell me about the blog and where people can find you.

Angela Burk (26:13)

Yes.

Absolutely. So the blog is sub stack. I'm on sub stack. ⁓ It is called realgirlsguide55.com is the address and I write about three articles a week. We do fun polls and surveys. We do reframes and you know.

The topics are very real, they're very raw. Some of them are a little unhinged because man, this ride is not for the faint. But that's where people can find me now and certainly on Instagram and Facebook and it's been super fun connecting with so many amazing

Natalie Tysdal (26:49)

Well, best

of luck with the book release and I look forward to talking to you again. Keep it real. I know you will. just thanks for taking the time to talk to me today.

Angela Burk (26:52)

Thank you.

Well, thank you for having me and thank you for all that you do.