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Episode 26: Playing Big: Pushing Back on the Culture That Raised You with Andrea Owen

Do you think BIG or are you like many who stay small not wanting to cause trouble or make noise? I've always thought of myself as someone who isn't afraid to ask for what I want but this interview made me realize how hard it was for me to push through cultural norms and a culture that taught me to just play "nice". I hope you learn as much as I did from this and that it helps you push forward and stand up for what you want and need in life.

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Brief summary of show:

This week on the podcast, I sit down with Andrea Owen, who is a global speaker, professional certified Daring Way™ life coach, and the best-selling author of 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life, How to Stop Feeling Like Shit and the just-released book Make Some Noise (TarcherPerigee, August 31, 2021).

Andrea has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to empower themselves with unshakeable confidence to live their most kick-ass life.

Listen in as we talk about:

  • Why we play small

  • How to know if you’re playing small

  • Where’s the balance in playing small and big

  • How listen in and act on your intuition

  • Andrea’s story of hitting rock bottom and transforming her life

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Podcast Highlights:

[00:01:40] Why we play small

[00:03:57] The balance between playing small and big

[00:06:54] The power of your own intuition

[00:09:49] Hitting rock bottom and choosing to change her life

[00:16:39] Her new book 'Make Some Noise'

Full transcript of episode:

[00:00:00] Natalie: I'm Natalie tysdal a journalist who decided enough is enough. I left a career that looked glamorous to do what I was scared of doing, going out on my own. I'm a married working mom of three on this podcast. We're going to talk about issues that really matter. Why am I not sleeping? What's up with that diet everyone's talking about.

[00:00:19] Are my kids falling behind? How do I leave that job and start over? Welcome to the Natalie pistol podcast. I'm so glad you're here.

[00:00:30] Hi, everyone. I have a question for you. Are you playing small? Do you downplay your achievements and your knowledge because maybe you don't want to appear too confident? Well, it's something that people do and often they don't even realize that they're doing it. My guest today has a book titled make some noise.

[00:00:47] She has a history of hurt and fear that she's learned from, and now she's helping other people. So we're going to talk about. Why people play small, how it can bring you down both personally and professionally. And we're also going to talk about asking for what you want and knowing how to ask for what you want.

[00:01:04] And I want to be sure that you join the newsletter, jump on my website. There's so much that we're talking about that can help you with your family, your health and your mindset, but get ready to be inspired. As I talk now to Andrea Owen.


[00:01:20] Natalie: Andrea is joining me now. And thanks so much for taking the time. This topic, I think, applies to everyone, especially women, where we tend to play small. And I don't know why we play small. Like we should play really big. But what have you found in, in your background and your writing about playing.

[00:01:39] Andrea: Yes.

[00:01:40] Hello, Natalie. I'm so excited to jump into this topic. And I wanted to like, raise my hand when you were asking that question. I'm like, I know, I know why, and it could come from a few different factors. One of them being, perhaps the household that you grew up in, you know, maybe you were told not to be

[00:01:58] you know, don't be too ambitious.

[00:02:01] Don't brag too much. Don't be boastful like in some, in some families those are the virtues that are encouraged. And a lot of it really comes down to the culture that we were raised in. So I've been in the women's empowerment space for 14 years now and wrote two books and came to the conclusion a few years ago.

[00:02:18] And my intuition tapped me on the shoulder and said, like, I can't talk about this anymore. Whether it's in a book or, you know, publicly on stages without. Addressing sort of the elephant in the room. And that is the culture that raised us. Pretty much brings us up to feel fundamentally insecure from the get-go as little girls and also you know, to be as accommodating as possible to make everyone else more comfortable sometimes, you know, at the sake of our own comfort to prioritize everyone else too.

[00:02:50] The polite and kind and not speak up. Definitely don't make a scene. Don't rock the boat. And anytime we're, you know, when we're talking about playing big and I can give examples if that feels a little bit too vague, but a lot of times that requires rocking some boats. It requires speaking up and asking for everything you want and going after things that pushes back up against the culture that we were raised with.

[00:03:13] And it's, it's scary. It's scary. That's that's. So, let me

[00:03:17] Natalie: ask you, because I think I'm totally guilty of that. But in some ways I feel like that's made me a better journalist, like being able to do an interview, make sure the person is comfortable, make sure they know they can trust me at the same time, pushing just hard enough that you get good answers.

[00:03:34] You get real answers. You get to the truth. But I guess my question with this is where's the balance like we do. Ultimately, I try to teach my kids. I have two girls and a little boy, like you do want to, to have that humility and to not be the first to speak to listen before you speak all of those types of lessons that we, we want to teach, but how do you find the balance?

[00:03:57] Andrea: Yeah, it's tricky and it can be complicated. And I totally agree with you. Like I am by no means telling people, you know, flip tables and flip your boss off, you know, making noise is all about shouting from the rooftops and being demanding, like not at all, not at all. And, and I also think. It's it's, it's good to be kind and polite when it's appropriate, but finding that balance is all about looking at where are you stopping short in your life?

[00:04:28] Where are you hesitating? The harder questions because you think it might be a little bit inappropriate for a woman to ask it, where are you not negotiating a raise or bigger projects at work, or if you're a business owner, you know, raising your rates for the services that you provide, because you're worried about what people will think.

[00:04:47] There's, it's very nuanced. It's new, it's a nuanced conversation and there's a lot of gray area. And I just invite like bottom line. I invite people to get curious about where they think they're playing small in their. And why that's really, what I want to find out is. Okay,

[00:05:03] Natalie: so I have a question about that.

[00:05:05] How do you know if you're playing small? let me use myself as an example. I ventured out into this whole new world, right? I left my career in TV, journalism, and I'm thinking now, okay, I want to go big. I want my own platform, my own website, my own podcast, all of these things. Am I thinking big enough, like sometimes I don't, well, why am I doing that?

[00:05:27] What makes me any different than anyone else are those the limiting beliefs that you're talking about? Like how do people know if they're playing small? I

[00:05:34] Andrea: think if you were having those kinds of thoughts, it's definitely something to look into. Like, I can't give you a blanket. Yes or no. Like, I would need to know more about Your upbringing and like your ultimate goals and your why? Like, what is your purpose? Is it in alignment with that? Like what are your values? There's, there's a bunch of other things to think about too. And I think a lot of times our intuition tells us that tapping on the shoulder, It says, you know, this there's a difference between vo