Brief summary of show:
This week on the podcast, I sit down with Teri Karjala, a Transformational Life Strategist, the founder of Creative Counseling Center and Talking With Teri, as well as the best-selling author of Be The Magic of You: Tools to Transform Your Life with a foreword written by Jack Canfield.
Teri is a thought leader in female empowerment and entrepreneurship. Today, professionals and women entrepreneurs hire her to ignite the magic within. Because most are consumed by fear, held back by unconscious limiting beliefs, and lack the tools to get back on track.
Teri has combined her 24 years of counseling background with energy psychology and applied the principles of quantum physics to transform people’s lives by clearing the unconscious blocks that hold us back.
Listen in as we talk about:
What to do when you feel triggered
Why we get in our own way and doubt ourselves
How to show up for yourself
Tips to process hard moments and emotions
Teri is Coach with Forbes and her podcast: Talking With Teri is a top 100 podcast featuring various local and national celebrities. She has been featured on many television, podcasts, and radio shows, including Hay House.
Resources mentioned in this episode
Connect with Teri
Connect with Me
[00:05:49] Why we hold ourselves back
[00:08:21] Bringing awareness to our thoughts
[00:13:19] How to listen to our intuition
[00:16:11] Processing our emotions
[00:18:24] How to identify what you're feeling from a counselling perspective
Full transcript of episode:
[00:00:30] Natalie: Hi everyone. Well, you know that I'm all about family health and mindset. Why mindset? Well, this is a big one. How you look at the world and how you respond to challenges. It really changes everything. My guest today has been working in this realm for 25 years. Terry Cardella is a licensed professional counselor and highly credentialed trauma therapist.
[00:00:51] And she's a life transformation strategist. We're going to talk about. Y we get in our own way, how to show up for yourself and ways to get what you really want out of life. We're also going to talk about a whole lot of other things. So before we get started, I want you to take a moment, go to my website, Natalie tisdel.com.
[00:01:09] Sign up for my newsletter. You're going to find that at the bottom of the front page, I give you strategies in my newsletter each week. For turning around your mindset again, it's Natalie Tisdel T Y S D a l.com. Now onto my interview with Terry. Terry joining me now. And I want to dive straight into mindset because I think it took me Terry A. Little bit later in my life to realize the power of positive minds.
[00:01:38] Teri: I agree.
[00:01:39] Yeah, so let's jump in. I love talking about this as we were talking a little bit offline I've taken my 25 years of counseling experience, combined it with energy psychology, and then applied the principles of quantum physics to really help women entrepreneurial.
[00:01:52] Expand their businesses that became a bigger impact. And so I truly, truly believe that the number one mistake that we make is our mindset. Um, We can, we can go and we can get trainings and we can learn how to do journalism. We can learn how to do broadcasting. We can learn how to do. Social media, we can learn all these other skills that's required of our business for it to be successful.
[00:02:15] But when it comes to mindset as, you know, we can get ourselves in the way of, of creating a better success story and whatever that looks like. And that's it not only in business, but in our life too. Um, And that also incorporates into the family life as well, you know, with our, with our children and with our families.
[00:02:33] And so I truly believe how we show up. It has an impact on everything that we do, everything that we touch.
[00:02:39] Natalie: When Debbie, you always known this, is this something just in your counseling background? And is that just something that I don't remember growing up, hearing in my generation, the importance of.
[00:02:52] Teri: You know, and it's funny that you asked that because when I share this little, what I'm about to share, people are like, there's no way when people know me at this point, I used to be so negative and I was the, I was the victim and I didn't know. Right. I didn't have an easy upbringing you know, to say the least and I, I had to overcome because I, I suffered from the story of, I wasn't good at.
[00:03:15] And no matter how hard I tried, I simply wasn't enough. In second grade, I got held back in second grade and that's something that I had never wanted to share with anybody because I I had dyslexia. And so learning was very hard for me. so I had these, these belief systems at home that I'm not good enough.
[00:03:31] And then I have at school I'm being held back, which tells me. I'm not good enough. Right. Then I had other students tell me you must be a failure because you flunked second grade. Right. So I had the stories of a lifetime that bogged me down and I just, I played that script over and over again. And so schooling was really hard for me.
[00:03:55] It was difficult. I was at this victim. Right. And I think a lot of folks, we look at the brain and we look at the programming, you know, Th from age zero to age eight is when the brain is forming. And so that messaging create the foundation and our brain formula. It's from our reptilian part of the brain, up to our frontal cortex of the brain.
[00:04:16] Now it, you know, it's around age 25 or 26, some research says, you know, 25, some says 26 is when our brain gets fully developed and that's our frontal cortex of the brain. So we now have the foundation. The brain develops upon the brain. So if I have this foundation of these limiting beliefs, it does carry into and becomes like a, almost like a lens, you know, we have like these invisible goggles on, right.
[00:04:41] And we have all these lenses that represent certain things in our life and we play out. In our life based on those experiences. And then, you know, as we were talking offline is a lot of that is unconscious. These unconscious beliefs get created out of this.
[00:04:59] Natalie: So interesting because as you're talking about the goggles, the lens, and I'm thinking.
[00:05:04] So many kids, I work with kids now and teaching in high school and such a new fun job for me. But I look at these kids and I think they've all had such different upbringings. They all see things differently. And I don't know what happened to them when they were eight years old or the second grade that they might've had to redo.
[00:05:25] And they don't know that that might be the thing. Holding them back or having them think I might not be good enough or so let's get into where, and here we are at, at our age, I think a lot of people still don't know unconsciously. I am holding myself back and I might not know what that thing is that deal
[00:05:49] Teri: with that.
[00:05:50] I agree. I think a lot of us, and I think this is, I think this is all evolutionary, right? Like we're always expanding and growing. Right. And that's why I always encourage people to get curious and to continue to be a lifelong learner. Right. And you know, and, and here's the thing with these belief systems, you know, I always tell people that they serve.
[00:06:08] To a certain degree, they serve and serve and serve. And then at some point they no longer serve us. And if we try to carry them forward, that's when we start to have stumbling problems. Like we start to recognize like, Ooh, something isn't working, you know, I'm still, you know, I'm on this like, you know, hamster wheel and I'm not getting the results I'd like to have.
[00:06:28] And so that's when people start to know. Hey, there's something, there's something off, there's something that's not working. And that's usually an indicator for us that there's, there's something here that's holding us back and, and having people take a deep, deeper look at that. And so there's lots of different things that are, that can be signals, are being triggers.
[00:06:45] And so, you know, also noticing for people like, what are those triggers, you know, in conversations, are you getting triggered by someone, you know, giving you feedback? You know, cause triggers are usually a pretty good indicator that A little area that we could work on, right?
[00:07:02] Natalie: Yeah. Okay. So tip number one, I'm going to hearing from you is when you feel triggered, when you, and that's a new word, I don't remember using that as a kid, but maybe the last five, 10 years when you feel, or maybe it wasn't.
[00:07:14] I just didn't know. When you feel like something just.to you, you get that yucky feeling or whatever it is triggering, and you go, you have to stop. Why did that bother me so much usually after, because in the heat of the moment, you're just, yeah,
[00:07:28] Teri: it doesn't. Yeah, it, it, but if we take a moment and we quiet our minds and we ask, start asking some questions, what are those buttons that get pushed and what is the, you know, cause some of those buttons get pushed a lot, especially for.
[00:07:40] Right. Especially for folks that are working in an invite, you know, like a colleague environment type of thing, you know, like what are those buttons that are consistently getting pushed? Because that's an indicator that there's something there. And, and it, you know, once we bring that unconscious to the conscious, we bring awareness to it, obviously awareness can shift.
[00:08:01] It w you know, it can simply shift it just by having awareness of it. So
[00:08:06] Natalie: can you give me a couple of examples? So I'm thinking of the work environment. Give me a couple of examples. Like you get defensive or you don't like it when. You're not the one making the decision or give me some examples, because I remember situations like
[00:08:21] Teri: that, but give me going on that, that piece of it, like maybe you're getting defensive, maybe you were just given some feedback from your supervisor or someone that you work with.
[00:08:31] And all of a sudden you're like, oh my goodness, like I am now completely defensive. Like, what is it that about that? Is it like, because you're like, oh, I wasn't perfect enough. I wasn't usually I believe system, you know, gets created over time. all these thoughts that consistently gets repeated over time, start to create a belief system and these belief systems can be boiled down to that.
[00:08:51] I'm not blank enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not talented enough. I'm not young enough. I'm not old enough, whatever it is, I'm not something. Right. Of whatever it might be. Right. And so that might be coming up for someone that's getting defensive, like, oh, well, I, you know, didn't put, you know, I need to have everything being perfect or I need to have everything just so, so that I don't have, you know, so it depends on obviously every person's unique situation, but sometimes it just gives us clues as to what could be contributing to that.
[00:09:25] And oftentimes, you know, when I talk to people, I always say, well, what is that? What is it about? And they're like, okay, and I'm like, no, no, I want you to close your eyes just for a second. I want you to tap in tune in and turn on to, what message are you getting? And oftentimes we'll just ask. And so listeners, do you know, hopefully you're not driving while you're doing this, but write this down is my body. What is it that you're trying to tell me that I'm refusing to hear? And when you ask that question, just closing your eyes, my body, what is it that you're trying to tell me that I'm refusing to hear?
[00:09:52] Oftentimes we'll get a message. You know, if we allow ourselves to quiet our mind and if we don't get one right away, it's okay. You might get it. You know, the night after you sleep or, you know, the next morning it might be coming a conversation and you'll know, you're like, oh my goodness, that's, that's it.
[00:10:06] Right. And so we can, we can start playing with and working with this information, that's coming to us. I I'm a big believer in that, everything is perfect the way it is. And you know, we are being driven. I just finished a call right before hopping on this. With this lady and she said something that's very troubling.
[00:10:24] That's coming up in her life. And you know, there's such goodness that's it's, but it's allowing her to step into her power. You know, she's never set boundaries with someone, you know, in a romantic relationship. And now it's this, the situation that's being brought forward to her. She's always just kind of placated that she's always kind of been pushed over by it and now she's having to step into our power and it's.
[00:10:49] It's powerful and it's, it's deep work. It's, it's tough work, but this is what is required of her to help her stop the, you know, the, uh, what is it called the Groundhog's day? You know, that movie where it just continues playing over and over and over again, because that's another indicator is like, when things keep showing up in our lives, if that unfinished business that we haven't taken.
[00:11:09] Oh, it's so true. And so, you know, when we went and so for her, it's like, and I'm like, oh, and I, and I am holding space for her because I know super painful, but I might, this is allowing you to step into your power. And when we step into our power and we own that. And so, you know what, I'm not going to be taken advantage of.
[00:11:26] I'm not going to be walked all over. I'm going to step into my power and know that this is a boundary. And this is what she needs for her growth, and this is what she is requiring for her to take the next step to the next level. And it has a ripple effect on all aspects of her life. And so I'm going to study joyful and at some point she'll have gratitude for it, but right now she does it because she's in the process of that transforming it.
[00:11:52] Natalie: Right. And that is such a big step and good for her. You know, someone said to me once, and I want to encourage people because someone said to me, Often when you finally take action is when you're at the brink, because you're so mad. So I would encourage people to. Why don't I do it now until so that I'm not waiting until I blow up.
[00:12:12] And I remember seeing this play out at people's personal lives. I remember seeing it play out at work once, where I had a boss who was so angry about something and didn't deal with it as management until one day he's blew up. And I remember. Hmm, you don't really do anything until you're just so mad that you finally do something about it.
[00:12:30] So not to wait until that moment. When, you know, when you get that instinct, something's not right. I need I'm being triggered or whatever the case is, do it before you blow up and, or just.
[00:12:43] Teri: You know, and I think just alert along those lines is like, I think that we have done a disservice over the years and not allowed people to really tap back into our intuition because if we tap into our intuition, we kind of know, Hey, there's something off here.
[00:12:58] But we don't trust that until we do that. Why do we not trust? Like we doubt ourselves. And again, it goes back to our scripts whenever our scripts that we were in, you know, that piece of it. But it's also like, I think women, we are far better at it than men. Okay. And
[00:13:16] Natalie: having the intuition or listening to the intuition,
[00:13:19] Teri: listening to, I mean, we both, all species, all humans have intuition, but whether we listen to it and trust it, you know, is a whole different ball game.
[00:13:28] And act on it and allow that because you're right. There's usually a breakdown before I break through. And sometimes we have to go to that path in order to get there. But when we start to notice things that are bothersome to us, like we have an opportunity to. To address it at that point, versus like what you said, getting to that place of anger where, you know, when we go into anger, what actually happens our frontal cortex, our brain goes offline.
[00:13:55] They shown brain brain screens where it just is dark. Okay. So that just tells you. The frontal cortex is no longer operating. That's not a good thing because the frontal cortex is in charge of decision-making it's in charge of making choices. It's it's in charge of reading, reading, social cues is in charge of making, you know, healthy choices.
[00:14:14] And so when that goes offline, We're not going to be making maybe the best choices in that. And there's just going to be, you know, and you work with you know, some high schooler students too. It's like, you know, oftentimes, you know, I always, I always give the metaphor of anger, like a soda pop bottle.
[00:14:31] Right. So what happens is when you take a soda pop bottle and you shake it up, But it happens, it explodes. Right. And it can be messy. It can be, it, it can be sticky. It can be, you know, you think about, and that's the ripple effect, you know, it can stain, it can stay in relationships, it can hurt, it can all these different things.
[00:14:50] But if we take that soda pop bottle and if it's shaken, shaken up, but we, if what happens if we have that bottle and we open it kind of slowly and go and then close it. We let the pressure out. Right? And so it doesn't blow up. We just allow it, you know? So when, when people are having really intense emotions, but it's it's a time to recognize.
[00:15:11] I always tell people, acknowledge the emotion. So, so often we give motions bad raps, right? Like, oh, anger is bad and wrong. And being sad is bad, wrong. And being fearful is bad and wrong. When actually in actuality, our emotions are simply here as our guidance. And if we can see it as a guidance system giving us information, we can be in partnership with those emotional responses and, and B make healthy responses to it. Right. And so, you know, I always joke that You know when I get up and speak, I get nervous still. Right. And I call, so I've, I've externalized her and I call her ready because she rubs me up.
[00:15:50] Right. And so when she shows up, right, I say, well, hello, Ravi ICU, I hear you. Right. And I acknowledge her and I that I thank her. I thank her for showing up, because what she's trying to do for me is she's trying to make me motivated. She's trying to make me alert. Right. All yummy things that, that she's giving to me.
[00:16:11] Right. And if an anxiety is an emotion is healthy when it's in small doses, but when it goes into the intense emotion, then that's when it, it may not be serving to us. Right. And so acknowledging giving him or her a name, acknowledging it, and just by doing that piece of it. And thank you. The emotion for being there.
[00:16:30] It helps dissipate it and be like, okay, now we're in partnership with this emotion and it doesn't have to, I can now re respond to this versus react to this.
[00:16:39] Natalie: Yes. I have a daughter who is a performer in theater, and I always tell her, and she's like, oh my God, the butterflies. And I go, oh God, that's so good.
[00:16:50] Those are there to help. Yeah. And so I'm glad to hear you say that because I always end in television too. In my early years. Like you get that. Oh, there's a lot of people watching this television show right now. I don't want to mess up. Then I would acknowledge that and say like, oh good. That's her to help me.
[00:17:06] That's good. So turn that to turn that, that anxiety.
[00:17:11] Teri: Yeah. And I usually give it now I give it a little timeframe. So it used to be two minutes. I'm like, okay, rabbit, you get two minutes on my first of the top, but now, but I'm like, now it's 30 seconds. Now it's 30 seconds. Now in the beginning, she was a little defiant and we had these little moments.
[00:17:26] I'm like, oh my goodness. Like, she's act like a Teeter who was being super defiant now. But now her and I are like, we're like two peas in a pod. Like we are. Connected. Right. Because we have this great conversation around, like, it's okay to have that, you know, because again, emotions are here to support us in service, you know, when they're in small doses versus when we allow them to build and we allow them to take over such different.
[00:17:51] Natalie: I'm going to talk to you about from a counseling perspective and in your experience when someone has that intuition of first of all, like this doesn't feel right, or I don't like this, or I'm getting triggered, whatever that is. How do you identify what that emotion is from fear to anxiety, to like, how do you stop and go.
[00:18:13] Like, I remember seeing this in a counseling setting once where it was a list of words, when you feel triggered and you go, which one is it? And I don't remember what it's called or what it is, but how do you identify what it is that you're feeling.
[00:18:24] Teri: You know, there's a grades. And if you just do a quick Google search for your listeners and it's the emotional wheel.
[00:18:30] And so that has the main core emotions, you know, fear, sadness, and happy, and then it goes out to the more complex emotions and it's a great chart. It's a great image and it goes into the more complex emotions that we have. And so that's a great tool to use, and it is building that emotional intelligence that is building that piece, but it's like, okay.
[00:18:51] Let's what is it that I'm feeling? Okay. Is it sadness? Okay. Yes, no. And just checking in with ourselves, because it does require us to develop, especially for youth, for young children, you know, young children, You know, they don't know like what they're feeling. Right. We can kind of, if they're upset because they're hungry, we can probably say, okay, well they're upset cause they're hungry.
[00:19:12] Right. And so we can help them and we guide them into, we get to you know, help teach right. The emotions and that, oh, you're, you're, you're really sad. I understand that. You're really sad. Right. And so for a lot of folks we've, we've experienced, you know, at least the main core emotion. Throughout our lives, you know, and, and as we get older, sometimes there's more complex and, you know, and, and sometimes it's, it's complex because we have a more than one emotion at one time, layered, layered with like, okay, someone just passed away.
[00:19:42] And now I have grief and sadness, but I have also joy in my goodness. I remember all these great things about them too. And so it gets a little bit more complex with our emotions in that way, but, you know, you know, just really tapping into, and you can use something like a charger or a, As a, kind of a guide to be, find a wheel to
[00:19:59] Natalie: share with everyone and look for that in the show notes, because I, I remember someone using that for me and I really think at any age, we don't always know what the emotion is for me.
[00:20:10] Often I found as a mom, it was fear. And so my anxiety over what's happening with kid in college and one in high school and here it was open. And just, and maybe that came from childhood of who knows. I mean, a lot of it does. Right. But it was. Fear I was, I was scared and also probably more than everybody wants to know is in the news business.
[00:20:31] I think some of it was, I put my family into situations that I reported on. So whatever it was that was a house fire or a child that was hit by a car or whatever it was, I would start to internalize that. And I had that fear almost like PTSD. And so I had to identify why I acted a certain way. And often for me, it was.
[00:20:54] Teri: You know, and, and you're in this industry where where you are seeing a lot of that. And, you know in my past life, when I was a therapist and I was seeing lots and lots of, I mean, we, our clinic that we still have specializes in, in, in trauma, physical abuse, sexual abuse, witnessing domestic violence, homicide, suicides, traumatic accidents.
[00:21:15] So anything traumatic. And as you can imagine, Over time. You're in that environment, seeing it time and time and day. And, and the news is not reporting on, you know, weddings and joyful celebrations. Typically it's breaking news. It's, it's the stuff that makes people kind of cringe and um, It, that has taken a toll.
[00:21:36] I think on a lot of folks like in the helping field and even in the work that you used to do because it's like, oh my gosh, I can see, like, I know how this plays out, you know, in real life, you know? And so it does create that fear because we've seen it so time and time again, of how the story ends
[00:21:53] Natalie: and we know to fill our minds with what we want to think more of.
[00:21:58] So I encourage people to know I was in the industry. 28 years. Don't overfill your mind with negativity and fearful situations, limit it, get your headlines and move on.
[00:22:11] Teri: Exactly. You know, and I always, I always joked that, you know, if you want to lose 10 pounds of negativity, just shut off the television, right.
[00:22:19] Because we need to have we, yes. We need to be informed and have that information, but you know, do it in a way that's healthy. It's, it's small increments, you know, but there's so much more yummy, juicy things that we. Focusing our time and attention on. And you know, the thing is about our brain is what we think about we bring about.
[00:22:36] Right. And so everything gets formed, created twice in our brains. once in our thoughts and once in physical reality. Okay. So, you know, what is it that I do desire to focus on? What is it that I'm grateful for? Because you know, even in the midst of the pandemic and I've shared this.
[00:22:52] You know, with my community because during the pandemic I just made this conscious choice to stay out of fear. There was a great quote and it says all birds seek shelter in the storm, except for the Eagle, the Eagle flies above it. And so not to discount the trauma, the drama, the, everything that happened during this last pen.
[00:23:11] But I could be more serving to other people if I stayed in high vibration. And if I stayed in a high place, because I could bring other people up to where I was at, you know? And so I created a community and we still. It's still going, going on every Tuesday morning, 9:00 AM. I invite people to come and play and, and be in the place of like, where like be a place of possibilities of, of creating this place and this environment where we can talk about things.
[00:23:40] Let's how, how do we help move people through this? You know, let's, notice the fear, you know, and recognize the fear and what can we do? What, what action steps can we do to move through that? Right. And I bet that you do that and.
[00:23:54] Natalie: So important for people to find your community or some community where they are finding that encouragement, identifying what the issue is, what their feelings or their intuition is.
[00:24:07] And then moving beyond that, flying above it, I love it. They will do that. Um, I have a couple of questions that I like to ask of all of my guests. And the first one is your favorite tool for productivity as a busy person with all that you do. How do you make.
[00:24:23] Teri: Okay. So I love, I'm going to share with the listeners.
[00:24:25] I have a time timer. You can see this but it's, it's it's a little special clock. It's, it's called the time timer and this thing I love, love, love. It looks like a little alarm clock, those little alarm clock, and it has like a little red thing. And so when you, you know, if I set it for 20 minutes, you know, it will click down.
[00:24:43] And eventually when it's all it'll, it'll go white again. But it's a visual thing I have. So I have three of these cause. In different places you've traveled. So I use this. So there's this, this theory called Parkinson's theory, and this is where time expands or contracts based on what we give it to.
[00:25:03] And so if it's going to take me, you know, I always tell people we, as women, we T we try to multitask. Multitasking is the worst thing possible for the brain. We are so. Bad at it. I'm still working on that one, but I'm so I will tell people, like, if, you know, if I'm going to do one task, do one task at a time, right.
[00:25:22] If it's going to take you 20 minutes, you might push it and say, okay, it's going to take me, you know, 18 minutes. And so that way you can kind of, it becomes like this, you know, race against the time. Right. But do one task at a time. So that might be changing, you know, returning emails. Right.
[00:25:36] You might do, you know, setting a timer for. You know, making phone calls, you know, do that one task. So I love, I am so efficient with time because I am just efficient with my brain and how it