Episode 82: The Three Pillars of Motherhood with Jessica Lorion
Brief summary of show:
What are the three pillars of motherhood?
Are there steps you can take to take the competition, resentment and judgment out of motherhood?
Joining me on this episode is Jessica Lorion.
Jessica has spent the past 12 years as a professional actor and voice over artist in New York City. Now, as the Host and Producer of the Mamas in Training Podcast, she supports pregnant women and aspiring moms on their journey into motherhood.
What makes her show different from other pregnancy and motherhood podcasts is that she is NOT yet a mom. An autoimmune disease has delayed her journey into motherhood and she has decided to learn right alongside her audience.
With a background in performing on stage, in front of camera, as well as being a professional singer, her mission is to spread the importance of studying motherhood. She intends to use her voice and desire to connect with women everywhere, to share the lessons she has learned and give community to those in need.
Listen in as we talk about:
[1:50] Why Jessica talks about motherhood even if she isn’t a mother yet herself
[4:05] How Jessica developed her 3 pillars of motherhood
[5:50] The importance of advocacy
[10:25] Planning and preparing
[16:30] Prioritizing community from a different perspective
Notes from Natalie:
Connect with Jessica
Connect with Me
View Transcript for this Episode
[00:00:00] Natalie: How to stay standing Moms, no one said it would be easy. The three pillars to motherhood ahead on the podcast
[00:00:09] Natalie: Hi everyone, it's Natalie. I hope you're having a nice fall day and that listening to this podcast gives you a break from the chaos of the world.
[00:00:17] Today I want to dive into a family topic. As you know, I rotate between family health and positive mindset issues here on the podcast. I don't think anybody said that this motherhood thing would be easy, but I certainly know that many of us thought it would be easier than it turned out to be.
[00:00:35] Motherhood is, as I often like to say, the hardest job in the world. It is also the most rewarding If you're a new mom, maybe an aspiring mom or like me, you've been a mom for a while. I have three kids, two in college, one now in middle school. We all face many of the same issues. I. I have a very unique perspective from my guest today on the podcast.
[00:01:00] Jessica Lian is dynamic. She is so eloquent in the way she describes the pillars of motherhood. Jessica is the host of the podcast, Mama's in Training. She has spent the past 12 years as a professional actor and voiceover artist in New York City. She is a huge supporter. All parents and I know that you are going to learn and enjoy our conversation today.
[00:01:24] Thanks as always for being a part of this community, for listening to the podcast, and I hope that you know how much I love being a part of your journey. And if you take just a moment to forward one of my podcasts to a friend, it would mean a lot as I continue to grow and hope to help more people. So let's get started today on a great conversation about the three pillars of Mother.
[00:01:47] Jessica, thank you for joining me today. Your story is really unique because you talk about motherhood, but you're not a mom.
[00:01:58] Jessica: Tell me about that. Definitely something that people always are confused about cuz they say like, Oh, so you have a podcast and what's it about? I say, Oh, it's about motherhood.
[00:02:07] And then they say like, I didn't know you were a mom, or, Oh, are you expecting? And then they get really confused. You know, it's something that for almost everything else in our life, we study, we plan, we prepare. Mm-hmm. , we. Get degrees. You know, we do all of these things to really train our mind and our body, but very rarely do we actually train or study or prepare for motherhood.
[00:02:34] I know of course some people just get thrown into it, not even expecting to, but If we have the opportunity to take the time, you know, to really prepare not only our bodies, and I'm not talking about training. A lot of people think, Oh, the podcast is called Mama's in Training. A lot of people think that Mama's in training, Oh, you're a fitness.
[00:02:55] Mm-hmm. . Now I love fitness. You'll find me at the gym almost every day. But no, it's also the aspect of preparing your mind and your emotions and the relationship with your partner and. The relationship with your family, how you want them to be involved, Like it's so, massive the change that we go through, and I think if we can just shift our focus a little bit and take the time to study and learn beforehand, I think it can really have a massive impact.
[00:03:23] Natalie: Well, it's, it's really powerful because you've now talked to hundreds of people who have given advice on, and you've asked me to do the same on what I would've done differently or advice that I would give to other moms, and how great is that to learn from each other. But I wanna get into these, these three pillars that you talk about, that either we're preparing to be a mom or we are, and we're still trying to figure it out because.
[00:03:50] It's most definitely the hardest job any of us women ever have. And we're always learning from it and growing. But these three pillars that, that you came up with after interviewing so many moms, I think are really, really important.
[00:04:05] Jessica: Yeah. It was something that, you know, it was around episode 100 that I sat back and I was like, Wow, a hundred episodes.
[00:04:13] Like what have I learned? And there's so much I've learned, so we'd probably be here for weeks. But after kind of really brainstorming and thinking over like the overarching details and topics that came up, these as I then identified them as three pillars were just present in, I would say like 99% of each and every episode.
[00:04:39] And that's advocacy, planning or preparing and community. And I think these three pillars, Advocacy planning and preparing in community need and should be present throughout our entire life, like whether we don't even wanna be moms, whether we're in a, in a period of waiting, whether we're going through a fertility challenge, whether we're currently pregnant, whether we're in postpartum, like you're always postpartum, but you know, the thick of postpartum.
[00:05:06] Whether you're seasoned mama like yourself and you have kids that are going to college, like all of these things. All of these moments in time are really influenced by these three pillars. And if we can bring them to the forefront of our mind, which is why I love having these conversations we can not only show up better for ourselves, but we can also show up better for our future children if we can decide to have them.
[00:05:28] We're our current
[00:05:28] Natalie: kids, we're gonna show up at when we're doing these three things, whether they're in college or a 12 year old son. Yeah. Let, let's break 'em down. Can we,
[00:05:37] So yeah, um, let's start with the advocacy. what do you mean by that? How can we learn from.
[00:05:42] Jessica: Yeah. So with advocacy, what I like to share is my own experience because as you mentioned, I'm not yet a mom, so I haven't had to advocate for myself throughout a pregnancy or a birth.
[00:05:51] Um, I haven't had to advocate for a child of my own. But super long story made short. Part of the reason why I'm in this period of waiting is because I have had, I wanna say I had, because I don't like to speak in present tense. I like. To get rid of that in the past, but I had an autoimmune disease.
[00:06:08] Technically still have it, but we're working to heal from that. And I've through my own, you know pursuing of these pillars, I've actually healed myself a hundred percent and I'm medication free, which is a whole nother side screen. Amazing. Yeah. But thank you. And that was part of the reason for doing this podcast cuz I wanted something positive to focus on, you know, something to really put my energy.
[00:06:31] However, when I was going through this and I was really sick and I was really hurting, I went to see a doctor and there was something that was going on around my feet and my legs, and now I had, I ended up being diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, and so my skin was already covered with my psoriasis. It was extremely severe, looked crazy, but then I started developing something else around my skin and it looked different.
[00:06:58] It felt different. I was in a different kind of a pain, and I said to my doctor, Can you please do a biopsy to see, Well, first of all, I said, You know, what is this? And he's like, Oh, that's just the psoriasis. I said, Well, can you please do a biopsy to just double check that it is psoriasis? And he was like, Well, I'm, I'm pretty sure it's psoriasis.
[00:07:18] Great. Can you please do a biopsy to double check? And he said, Well, I'm 99% absolutely great, but can I please get a biopsy? Like this is my body, this is what I, what I wanna know, and why does it matter? Like why do you have to fight with me? Mm-hmm. . So I advocated for myself. He finally did the biopsy. Come to find out.
[00:07:42] Not for nothing but told you so. It was not psoriasis, it was something else called vasculitis and that's like the swelling of your blood vessels. And when I took that information back to my rheumatologist doctor and I shared with him that this was now coming up, he said, Well, I'm really glad you got a biopsy because had that not gone treated, that vasculitis could have affected other organs in your body down the future if we didn't, if we don't treat it properly.
[00:08:09] Wow. So that was just really eye opening to me that I had to go to that level of like, Advocating for myself and shouting from the rooftops, like, Hello, I'm asking for something here. You know, and that's something that we always have to do and especially when, say we're going through a fertility experience and challenge, like say we're going through pregnancies.
[00:08:33] Say we're postpartum. One thing that I like to remind ourself, remind women of and remind myself of is like, We have lived with this. For 20, 30, 40, 50 years, whatever it is, you know what feels right, what feels wrong, what feels off, what feels best, and we, we give so much power to others. Whoever they are, whether it's the medical world or whatever, but really, I think if we take the opportunity to just take a pause and connect with ourself and be like, This doesn't feel right, or this does feel right, depending on whatever it is.
[00:09:10] Yeah. And then we have the encouragement. Sometimes it's hard, easier than others, or sometimes it's very hard, but to just say, This is what I want, or this is what I need, we can have. Transformative pregnancy experience too, and birthing experience because for anybody who's listening who is currently pregnant, you have so many more options too than you even realize.
[00:09:33] Yeah. In the birthing center. Yeah, in the, in the hospital. And so I think. By advocating for yourself in all areas of your life, you just take back that power. And we all need a little bit of extra power, I think. And I'll add to
[00:09:46] Natalie: that. And I love that advice. After I was a health reporter for so many years, it was, the thing I think I learned the most was talking to different doctors and healthcare professionals that.
[00:09:56] They don't all believe the same thing, and it's the people who ask more questions or move on to someone who they feel like might have more answers, but to never take that first either piece of advice or answer without questioning it and advocating for yourself. I love that advice. And just a step further with that is the same goes for parenting and taking our kids for health, and so advocacy, as you said, in all realms of motherhood is so important.
[00:10:25] Yeah. Great advice. Okay. Let's talk planning your second pillar.
[00:10:29] Jessica: Yeah, so what I like to share with this concept of planning and preparing, once again, it's connected in all times of your life and it's definitely something that I think we can instill in our future children as well. It's this phrase that I like to say, drink from the fire hose,
[00:10:46] That's what I've kind of been doing during this time. Mm-hmm. , it can feel overwhelming for. If you are in a stage of, you know, being pregnant or you have the opportunity to train like me and you're a future mama, taking all of the information that you have in about everything, breastfeeding and sleep, and pelvic floor and postpartum and like all of these things, it can be a lot and it can feel as though you're being smacked in the face with the massive water of a fire hose.
[00:11:15] But if we let ourselves. Open up to that, take all of that information in and then sort through in our own time or like file save in the back of our mind. What that ends up doing is when something comes up we can kind of pull from that information. Mm-hmm. . So let me give you an example for somebody who is breastfeeding for example, or, or they, they desire to breastfe so they're.
[00:11:46] They talk to their doctor about the different forms of feeding. Breastfeeding is something they wanna try. Instead of having a, such a narrow focus on breastfeeding because you've made the decision that you wanna breastfeed and that's amazing. It's not for everybody, but that's amazing for you. Highly encourage we talk about this in episode 74 of the Mamas and Training podcast formula expert came on and said, Now I'll make a side note to this.
[00:12:12] It's a little challenging right now cuz of the formula shortage and like all that stuff going on. Yeah. However, in normal times, Do your research and pick out a formula that you're also okay with. If, God forbid, you do have to use formula and breastfeeding doesn't come so easily, or something happens and you need to use formula.
[00:12:32] Yeah. Actually buy it and actually put it in your hospital bag. Some women don't care. Some they, they don't care what kind of formula their baby gets. If they need it, fine. But there are also many people who would really wanna know, like maybe they really wanna use organic. Maybe they really wanna use a certain brand or have it have certain ingredients or not, you know, And there's so many.
[00:12:56] Things to choose from. So many formulas to choose from. So by doing this step ahead of time and listening, for example, to the podcast episode on formula feeding, even though you plan on breastfeeding, it gives you that comfort knowing that you've already covered that base. Mm-hmm. , you know, you've already taken that step.
[00:13:15] And the same thing kind of goes for like C-sections. Not many people, birthing persons usually don't choose to have a C-section. Some do, but some. But listen to the episode on C-sections Read, you know that story of that friend online who went through a C-section so that you know if something goes wrong and if our plans do change, because they always do.
[00:13:39] Yeah. We know what to expect. Yeah. And it's kind of just in the back of our mind. So drink from the fire hose, take it all in, and then sift through and you'll just, I think in the, in the future, you'll end up being more prepared for anything that comes your way. You know?
[00:13:53] Natalie: And just as, as with advocacy like.
[00:13:57] Down the road when you have a toddler a high schooler, a teenager, all of these things. And I have an episode coming up on with a school resource officer, or maybe you've already heard it for those who are listening, but. We learn so much by drinking from that fire hose. It feels overwhelming, but prepare yourself for anything that could come your way.
[00:14:19] Never say never, because you never expect that something's gonna happen to you, be it a c-section or not being able to breastfeed or kids and drugs and you know, we just have to keep our minds open. Yes. To say, I'm gonna prepare for these things. God forbid they happen, but I better be prepared so that I'm not devastated.
[00:14:37] When these things happen as a mom, because I guarantee you they will, they will all happen. Maybe not all, but many will and you will.
[00:14:46] Jessica: And they're gonna surprise you
[00:14:47] Natalie: will be shocked by some of the things that happen. It's the best job in the world. Yeah. But there are so many times we're shocked by what happens
[00:14:54] Jessica: in motherhood.
[00:14:56] Well, and that's also why I love podcasts like yours and like mine because it gives you an opportunity to drink from the fire hose in a very kind of nonchalant way. Mm. You know, like you don't have to sit down and read a book about all of these topics that you don't really desire. Like just listen to someone's story about what they went through in this episode or that episode.
[00:15:15] And that's the kind of the
[00:15:16] Natalie: beauty of it's building knowledge, isn't it? Yes. Like you're drinking from the fire hose, but you're nourishing. At that same time, you're hydrating, we should say. Totally. Yes. I love that.
[00:15:26] Jessica: We're hydrating. We're like
[00:15:28] Natalie: prey. Can we call it that? Can we rehydrate? You totally get, We're doing that so that when these things happen, because they will that we're prepared.
[00:15:36] We're not shocked. We're not devastated. We're like, Okay, I got this. It's hard. I don't always feel like as a mom of three now with two in college, And a working professional. I always feel like I've got this, but I have to come to the table with that attitude. Yeah. I have to and I have to model that for my kids.
[00:15:53] I got this. Mm-hmm. , we can handle it. Yeah. Okay. Such good advice. Thank you. Planning.
[00:16:30] Natalie: All right. Community. Ugh. I'm working on this one right now. Especially after lockdown, like not having community like we did. And how important community is in our lives, even though we can pretend like it's not. But tell me your take on that.
[00:16:46] Jessica: Yeah. I think the area that I like to kind of shine a light on in, in terms of community is like looking at it from all different forms. It doesn't necessarily just have to be the community that you have, you know, with your, your neighborhood or with your work friends, or with your immediate friends or your family, like any of that.
[00:17:08] One thing that I like to say is think about your third party community. These are things that, maybe these are places I should say, and people that you go to that maybe don't know you as close as your family and friends or your coworkers, they can give you a different kind of support that I think is really, really valuable for any stage of your life.
[00:17:31] Yeah, so for example, With Mamas In Training Podcast, we also have the free Facebook group Mamas in Training, which anybody is welcome to join. Whether you wanna share and support other women in community and lift women up and you're a seasoned mama, or you are an expecting mama or a future mama like myself, just looking to learn the, the power of something like a free Facebook group or.
[00:17:53] Any other kind of online meet up or say you are, you know, expecting or you're in the postpartum phase and you find a breastfeeding group or a new mom group or something like that. The power of these groups is that they give you this third party view of, they kind of like shine a mirror back at yourself in terms of like where maybe you're thriving, where maybe you need more support.
[00:18:19] I also think there's real power in giving of yourself to other people. So the opportunity to, you know, for me to lift you up, Natalie, even though I might be going through something hard, or for me to support you, gives me a different type of endorphin boost, you know? Yeah. That even subconsciously, I might feel that's different from giving it to like my mom or my cousin or sister or something, or my best friend.
[00:18:46] And the other thing, I think, especially for women who are having their second, third, fourth child, your family's gonna be very excited for you. Your friends are gonna be very excited for you. But it's different. It's not your first. Right? You might just have a sprinkle. You might not have anything at all , you know?
[00:19:05] But that's a massive change that's happening. Yeah. Now you're adding two. Now you're adding three. And a lot of people tend to think like, You got this. Yeah, but you might not. And that's okay. And so to come to a place like a third party location, like I said, online, Facebook group or some other group where people don't know you quite as close, they can still celebrate you.
[00:19:27] They can still cheer you on, They can still lift you up in a way as if it is your first. And in a way that I think that people who know you at your core, Can't do. So I like to also just think of community in a broader sense and the power that you can get from meeting complete strangers.
[00:19:46] Natalie: I love, love, love that because you know, we can, we can look at technology and social media as negative.
[00:19:53] We can look at it. As positive and be careful of the negative, but this is such a positive part of these communities where we can learn so
[00:20:02] Jessica: much from each other. And I'll, I'll just put a caveat into that too, because also like you have to be cautious Of course. Sure. With the Facebook groups, for example, that you join.
[00:20:10] I mean, I'm in many Facebook groups and there are some that are not, you know, very supportive, not very monitored. Over at the Mamas and training Facebook community, we are very monitored. We control you know, the energy that goes around. We're only looking to lift people up. Of course, there's always gonna be different opinions on things, but you do wanna make sure that the, the community that you connect with is really serving you in the best positive way.
[00:20:37] Of course. So there, there is that, but.
[00:20:39] Natalie: Yeah. Such a, a great third pillar advocacy, the first planning and community. Well, I know you talk about this weekly and you interview amazing moms at all different levels, getting their advice. Where can people go? You mentioned your Facebook group, but where can they get a little bit more information and listen to you?
[00:20:59] Jessica: You can find the podcast itself everywhere. Mama's in training, M A M A S on Apple, Spotify Pod Link is a great link cuz you can listen wherever you're used to. You can also go to mama's in training.com. We're at Mama's in Training Pod on Instagram and one episode that I think I would really love to recommend, especially because a lot of your listeners here might already be moms Is something that's a little bit different.
[00:21:25] So of course I mainly interview women who've been there. However, I do have an episode that's about dads, and it was with a dad who actually suffered a panic attack postpartum. It's episode 1 0 6 and that episode is entitled, What about Dads? How your Partner could Silently be Suffering? And I think it's really important because whether or not we are expecting.
[00:21:49] Whether or not we're in the postpartum phase, whether or not we have two kids in college and another one, and we're just trying to navigate all of these things. The relationship that you have with your partner I think is really, really important and needs to be addressed because we can so focus in on ourselves, the birthing person, what they're going through, their bodies are changing, their emotions are getting thrown all over the place.
[00:22:13] But your partner might also be going through something that needs to also be addressed. They're gonna be going through fears, they're gonna be going through anxiety, and you, we need them to show up for us. In the best, healthiest way possible. Yeah. And in order to do that, we really need to kind of open that avenue of communication.
[00:22:33] So if you're curious about an episode to, to start listening to Mama's in training on, I would definitely check out 1 0 6 for just a different kind of perspective. Cuz I think it's, I think it's really important. Great.
[00:22:45] Natalie: Well encourage people to go listen to find the Facebook group and give a webpage somewhere people can get a little more information.
[00:22:52] Jessica: Mom is in training.com. Fantastic.
[00:22:54] Natalie: Everything there too, Jessica, it's been such a pleasure and I look forward to connecting with you in the future, learning with you, and I'm gonna be on your podcast so watching for that. Everybody too.
[00:23:03] Jessica: Come over. Come over and check it out. Listen, super fun. Thanks for
[00:23:06] Natalie: I appreciate.
[00:23:07] Take care.