Breaking the Cycle: Faith, Healing, and Mental Health with Elena Huggins

Natalie Tysdal (01:33)

Elena, thanks so much for joining me today.

Elena (01:36)

My pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Natalie Tysdal (01:38)

Let's get right into this intersection of faith and emotional and mental health. Why is this important to you?

Elena (01:48)

This is very important to me because I think culturally we like to separate them, just like we like to separate mind and then body and then emotions and how the medical world, how we deal with things is we often, if you have a physical problem, we strictly deal with the physical problem. If you have an emotional mental problem, we strictly deal with that. ⁓ And then the same with the spiritual problem, we strictly.

deal with a spiritual problem. But the reality is we are not wired just to have one of those aspects. We are very interconnected beings. have mind, body, soul, spirit. They're all very connected. And there's so much studies. I spent years studying this neuroscience. There's so many other studies that talk so much about this connection, about how your gut, for example, if it's unhealthy, it can impact

how you feel, your emotions, can make you depressed and anxious. And that's a physical problem, the gut, but it's affecting the mind. Or just like anxiety or high stress can trigger cancer and tumors in the body. Though that it's in the mind and the emotions, the body's manifesting what's in the mind. And you know, they've even done studies where they would hook people up and they would be praying. And then as they were praying,

their anxiety would decrease and their depression would decrease. So that's a spiritual component, but it's affecting the physical or mental problem. So crossing those things is so important because God wired us like that. And I believe that when you go against your natural wiring, it causes friction, causes complexities, and it causes difficulty.

Natalie Tysdal (03:37)

Well, let's talk about your history. I think that's really important here because you grew up with a certain amount of faith, but then your life changed. And I've read parts of your book. I want you to tell me more about it. But how did this all come together for you? How did this become your mission?

Elena (03:55)

So I never wanted it to be my mission. Like I've always.

Natalie Tysdal (03:58)

We

never want the hardship that God places right in front of us for a reason, do we?

Elena (04:03)

And I never liked, you know, the mental and emotional health space. Like that wasn't the space I wanted to be in, but I just found myself constantly in that space. Whether, you know, I definitely had my own childhood, you know, traumas as many of us do. I found myself doing pastoral care with people who struggled, working with trafficked kids, ⁓ you know, working at the rape crisis center. So I have found myself always in this space of mental and emotional health.

Over the years, what I have researched, what I've observed, it has all kind of fallen into this book. And so how I grew up is I grew up reform Russian Orthodox. It was a melting pot. You know, I moved to the United States in the late 80s and we were in a communist world that really didn't believe in God. So that was, it was really rare to find Christians. But then once communism fell, missionaries came.

And ⁓ when my parents were growing up, it was very like hidden, like people would send missionaries and they would tell them the gospel. And so it basically turned into ⁓ Orthodox believers reforming to Protestantism. So I grew up in a hodgepodge, a melting pot of there's Pentecostals, there's Orthodox, there were ⁓ Baptists, it was like everyone. And so my understanding of God was a little bit confusing.

And there was, you and then you mix that in with some superstitious ideas. And so how I understood God to be was somewhere in the sky out there, you know, ready to send you to hell. And I grew up with a very much like, you're going to go to hell if you don't do the right thing. That was kind of the crux of how, you know, the gospel, if you will, was presented to me. I wasn't ever really taught about like the love of God, the kindness of God about.

salvation, God changing, none of that stuff. That was not at all what I was taught. So I remember in my teenage years just being like, well, just go ahead and send me to hell because it's too hard to do the right thing. So I rebelled for sure. ⁓ I think I always wanted to know God and my parents were amazing. They were missionaries. So whatever knowledge of God and Christianity had, they traveled. So they really had a better understanding, but in their limited understanding.

they helped people. were very sincere with it and I think that was my saving grace because I watched the sincerity in which they walked out Christianity however they understood it to be. And so I knew I was searching for something sincere for sure and I encountered God. I was 18. I was in a dark place, felt really depressed and I remember picking up the Bible and reading about Jesus and I was just enthralled. Like I was just reading page after page and

This Jesus that was kind of a rebel, which I of course identified with that piece of him, was nothing like the one I grew up with. And so I remember at that moment saying, know, if this is you God, I want this. And I've never been the same since. Yeah.

Natalie Tysdal (07:08)

Wow, wow.

So your life then took a turn later after marriage and ⁓ pregnancy, those things. But when did you marry these things of, have faith, this has carried me, but now my mental health and my emotional health is struggling?

Elena (07:31)

So I never thought I would be the one to struggle. Honestly, I was always a very strong kind of woman. I was very honest about a lot of things. So when I became a Christian in the world I grew up in, it was a massive problem. Okay, ⁓ I was evangelizing. I grew up in a very staunch world. So that in of itself had its own thing. Like I remember ⁓ just being told that I was disobedient to God. I ended up having to leave the church.

So that was his own ordeal. I went to Bible college and met my ex-husband. We were in ⁓ the worship band together. So what I didn't know ⁓ is I didn't know he had this whole hidden, you know, pill addiction. And so with someone who has addiction and all that comes with it, and of course he had a lot of psychological issues with it, everything ended up coming to a point. Like we did a dance of he would get sober.

we would work on it, he would relapse, and this was kind of the dance for several years. And it came to a head, and I had also gone through some childhood trauma. I was a victim of SA, and I felt like there was a point where once we had divorced, after I like of course lived in survival for many, many years, I just collapsed. It was just a point where everything, you know, everything hit the fan, where I felt like my mom,

in such a mess because there was a lot of you know gaslighting and sociopathic behavior and I started feeling crazy and I ⁓ to be honest when I went through my divorce I was livid I was angry with God I wanted nothing to do with God I had lived a life where I had sacrificed a lot to follow Jesus you know I was kicked out of my church I was ⁓

I went to like a Bible college far away. was serving in ministry. I met my husband in ministry. Nothing could have prepared me for the reality that would follow once we got married. And so I found myself divorced with two babies. They were like two and three years old. He left us with nothing. And here I, my, my mind was in such a mess. And because I, my history was in the mental health world. Like I worked with trafficked kids.

at the rape crisis center, tons of pastoral care. So I knew all the things and I was like, how could I possibly be clear? followed.

Natalie Tysdal (09:57)

How do you

apply all those things that you learned? You're like, wait, that's my life.

Elena (10:01)

Well, it was messy with my theology because the Western theology was like, if you do the right things, God is going to make everything beautiful for you. And the concept of actually the suffering or understanding, making sense of that, I couldn't comprehend it. So I just got so angry and I shut my heart off to God. And I decided, I was in a mental and emotional

mess like I was had PTSD, anxiety, depression. I was very suicidal. I wanted to die. I begged for death. I remember I was that broken. I felt like my mind was splitting in a hundred different directions. I felt st demonic presences in my room and my mind at war. And I couldn't believe this is what I was. was, you know, ⁓ and so I've decided I finally wanted to, be free.

Desperately wanted to heal because I felt like I had like early onset bipolar cysts You know symptoms and because I worked in the mental health space I knew what that was and it terrified me and so I decided I was gonna get help that I wasn't gonna be somebody with a mental problem you know and so I became obsessed with getting well I Went to every guru. I did new age. I did every mental practice I definitely did therapy for many years, and I had an amazing therapist

⁓ So I did everything outside of God to heal and I did I healed like I was pretty healthy If you looked at me my I was running I had a business I had my kids looked fine. ⁓ I looked pretty good You would never know that I really was just managing my mental emotional position and I think a lot of people are in the place is where they're just managing the symptoms and I felt

Natalie Tysdal (11:50)

Yeah.

We're getting by. Like

every day is, is how do I just get by today without frowning, without feeling settled? I like to say, yeah.

Elena (11:59)

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That was definitely me where I was just managing. And then I got to a point where I was like, God, I am sick of managing. You know, I was doing like eight hours a day, mental work, you know, all the things. And I just became desperate. And I'm like, I remember when you saved me when I was 18 and on the stairs, because at that moment when I said, this is Jesus, I want this.

the atmosphere changed and I thought somebody was behind me. Like I felt some tangible presence and that's why I was so impacted and revolutionized. And I remember being like, God, I remember how I felt in that moment, how free I was. If you can set me free, like I need you to do it if you can. And I didn't even believe he could, but I went on a 21 day fast and I just sought God. I read scripture, I prayed, I became extremely desperate and I won't.

I will never forget is the 21st day of my fast. I was just had the worship music on and I was just praying and worshiping and I literally felt the tangible presence of the Lord come into my living room and it was weighted. was like, I Kimberly, I'm getting choked up just talking about it, but it was like, I remember just feeling overwhelmed and just weeping and

It was ⁓ just something I've never felt before. ⁓ And every heaviness that I had been holding probably since I was a child, because my first sexual abuse experience was when I was four. But from that moment, it all like lifted off of me. And I knew that I was free. And then from that moment, I then did a lot of other things to stay free, but I knew that I would never.

struggle like this again. Like it was a supernatural moment.

Natalie Tysdal (14:01)

Wow, that is so powerful and for so many people, they never get that far. They keep trying all the things. And that's why I find this intersection so important ⁓ from my own personal experience, but that some people never get that. They get the therapy, so important. They get the medication, so important for the right person. ⁓ They get all of those things, but for some reason, they're still not fulfilled.

And it sounds like that's where you were and what the book is about. So let's talk about ⁓ healing. Let's talk about steps someone can take today that might relate to what you've gone through. And they're thinking, I need that. I need this healing or this feeling, and I don't know how to get it. How can you help them?

Elena (14:30)

Yeah.

So, you know, honestly, I think there is.

point where when you have done all the therapy and you've done all the things you really got a battle let out with God. There is a point in all of us where there's no nobody there when we're in our darkest pit and it's only us and God and I think so many people they just medicate when they feel that darkness but it's so important that you go there with God.

and you allow God into all those spaces of your life. Because therapy and all these things, they will help you. They'll even heal some of you. But only God can free you. That's the business that God is in. Like therapy puts a band-aid and maybe even some self on the wound. But God wants to do it in such a way where there's no residue that there was even a wound.

Like he has that ability and that power to do that. We serve a supernatural God. It's not just head stuff. When that's all you know of him, then he's really, really small. But being a Christian is not saying a prayer. That's not me. That doesn't make you a Christian. It's a surrendered life. It's a fully giving of yourself, not my way, but yours. And when you live like that and you read scripture, it changes your mind and you get renewed. But when you live in that way,

God becomes bigger to you and he doesn't desire to just encounter you one time. He wants to meet with you over and over and over again in every wounded place that you have. And when you invite God in, like I did that a lot, I would rage and yell and I was so angry, but in doing that, I was actually healing. And the first thing I would say if someone is struggling, invite God into that space.

Because the God who made you also knows how to heal you. So he knows the depths and the layers that a person can't go to and can't access. Like when I was walking out healing, I did therapy work, I worked on my mind, I definitely did the practical things. And I can talk more about that later. But the biggest thing to like the deep healing.

was I really consulted with God and I would read a lot of scriptures and scripture. It was a thing I did and I met with him. Like the Bible says, go into the closet, close the door and pray. Meet with God. Because what I have found is God would download in two seconds a pattern of behavior or something I had been doing that was keeping me sick that would have taken me a decade in therapy to figure out.

Natalie Tysdal (17:43)

Wow, looking like what? Give me example of what that is.

Elena (17:43)

because God knows.

Like for example, let me think of one. I had, there was something in me where I caved a lot because I didn't wanna destroy the peace. And I didn't even realize I was doing that all the time. And so I almost had no, like I remember post-marriage, I got into a relationship that was not good and I couldn't defend myself. I couldn't speak up for myself and it was from my abuse. It was from a lot of things.

What I noticed is I just kept doing that and I would ignore my gut feeling and do all that and and it was something I was not aware of and then you know God showed me Like you you keep doing this pattern and you keep ignoring your gut feeling but that's where I speak to you You know and and he just showed me in a second like a glimpse of all the times I had done that but it looked different It wasn't just always in a relationship. It wasn't

You know, I always, my nature is to overextend all the time, but even in that way. And he would just show me different things or like, I remember they found a tumor ⁓ and God spoke to me about the tumor. He said, I'm gonna heal you. I want you to fix your gut health. I want you to de-stress your life and I'm gonna heal you. And I heard that from the Lord and the more time you spend with God, you start hearing his voice clearer and it should be normal for every believer.

to know the voice of God and hear the voice of God. So I heard that with a gut thing and so I did it and I got my, and then it was really wild. I wouldn't even go get a mammogram or get anything for a couple years or ⁓ any, to even check it because I was just so certain that it was gone. And I finally did two years later and they couldn't even find where the tumor was. And usually when you have a tumor, they find the space even if it's not active or it's benign.

Natalie Tysdal (19:14)

Yeah.

Elena (19:41)

they find where it was. couldn't even find it. And they were looking at my ultrasound. They couldn't find it. But this was, this is just like the way that God, in a moment, and then he showed me, hey, your stress is causing tumors in the body. This is making you physically sick, you know? And so, and he's so good about all that because he knows our layering. Do you know what I mean? Like he knows the depth of things. No one can know that about you but God.

So he knows how to heal those places in a way that makes sense to you because that path for healing for that person is gonna be very different than for you based on your experiences and what you were doing. And it's like so many things, if we had only consulted with Jesus about them, instead of going our own path, we would have saved ourselves heartache. How many times have we tried to fix the problem? ⁓

Natalie Tysdal (20:35)

yeah. Cause we think we know

best, right? But so much of that, it's interesting. I want to go back to when you said, go to the closet and pray about it or have the conversation. We rarely in today's world stop to have that conversation. And for a lot of people, I'm guilty of this as all of us are busyness is

Elena (20:39)

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Natalie Tysdal (21:04)

is the darkness, that just staying busy, filling our minds, filling our time, filling our schedule, all of this, that we don't stop to have that conversation.

Elena (21:05)

Yeah.

We don't. And if you really think about it, like the devil, wants, people think he's after us with sin and things like that. No, he just wants us.

to love something else more. And if he gets us to love something else more, we pay very little attention. like, just like anyone else for sure, we're all busy, you know, but I would just encourage people to get the word of God in you because that's truth. So when I fought, like I was told I should be medicated, I was told I was gonna have problems forever, ⁓ and I just wouldn't accept that. I didn't accept that from me, and I'm like, no.

because what the Bible talks about, it talks about strongholds. A stronghold is a thought that you have that puts its authority above scripture. So if I have a belief that is contrary to scripture, then I become a slave to that belief or to that thinking. And so when I was fighting anxiety, for example, I knew I had panic attacks all the time, but I literally would take scripture and I'd read it.

Did I believe what I was reading? No, I thought it sounded beautiful. I didn't think it would be effective. But what I noticed is the more I read, because the Bible says that the word of God is invoided. It will go and do its work. It also talks about the word of God being sharper than any two-edged sword, meaning it goes deep and it hits every deep place within you.

Elena (22:43)

so I would read these scriptures that say, know, I have power love and a sound mind and I would and I would notice with time that I stopped feeling anxious and then a few weeks would go by and I'm like I haven't been anxious because we often look at I read this scripture when I need a word from God I'm gonna go find a scripture that's not we're actually not supposed to read the Word of God for that we're actually supposed to read the Word of God to know about Jesus

to know how God moves, how he speaks, how he governs things, because when we learn that, when we're in difficult situations, we then also know how to move, speak, and handle the situation, because we know the nature of God. We're like, ⁓ this is how God did this in this time in biblical, if you read different things in Exodus, ⁓ this is how he dealt with the Israelites, okay, I see what's happening now, because there's patterns with God that you can see how he moves.

And so what you do is you fill and you fill, if it's five minutes a day, if it's one chapter, if it's 30 minutes, whatever you have, if it's on the road and you're listening to the audible, you fill and you fill and you fill. Not for the moments when you need God desperately. You fill so when life is hard and you don't understand and you're overwhelmed, what comes out of you is truth. What comes out of you is not shakeable.

Because life will shake you up and there's that we possess or that we have that can't be gone tomorrow except the word of God, except Jesus. And so when you know the word, it really shifts the way you do everything. How you do business, how you raise your kids, how you do relationships, how you deal with mental and emotional health, I mean, it's all there.

Natalie Tysdal (24:26)

Yeah.

It's how you carry yourself every day. I remind myself often that it's like filling your body up with nutrients that are good. If you're eating junk food all day, you're not going to be healthy. If you're listening to junk all day instead of filling your body with scripture and with these words, with the Holy Spirit, then that's what's going to come out in the hard times. Like when you get sick, if your body's nutritionally sound, you're probably going to get through the sickness much quicker.

Elena (24:43)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Natalie Tysdal (25:02)

Wow, such good stuff. Let's talk more advice that you would have. The book is chocked with this. You're full of so much good advice from your experiences and what God has put you through. What other advice or where would you send people in the Bible? What advice do you have even outside of that for someone who might be struggling today?

Elena (25:22)

⁓

A couple of things. would say first, I think it's really important to get very honest with ourselves. I think we like to tell ourselves a truth that's more palatable about our situation and even why we're still in a situation. So we have a culture that is obsessed with victim, it's obsessed with triggers. ⁓

but the more you lay things out in a simple way and get very honest, then you can start to deal with it. So I think it's very important that if you're somebody who is, I don't believe in digging up trauma because sometimes you go to a place you're not ready to confront or deal with, but I think when there's something that's coming up, whether it's something you went through, ⁓ it's important to deal with it because trauma is something that will never go away.

It doesn't matter if you're in ministry, you have the biggest church in the world, you're successful. People often feel like if I push it down and I don't deal with it, it'll go away. But it doesn't. It manifests in your relationship, how you react. And you've seen it so many times, people that are at the top, they come crumbling down. And not only does their family get destroyed, but those who are following them. And if you peel it back, it's with a trauma that was never resolved.

So then a behavior pattern occurred. So now this behavior seeped into how they are leading people and manipulating people or whatever that situation is. And so it is imperative that we address it. And what that looks like is getting honest about where we're at, how we've dealt with it thus far, how it's affecting us and inviting God into the broken and painful spaces. A lot of people

who are on medication, it was never meant to be a forever thing. It was supposed to be a temporary thing and it makes people stuck because ⁓ why people do it is because it's really hard to go to painful areas. It's hard. It's much better to put a bandaid on it and not feel what you don't wanna feel. That's much easier, you know? But just like putting your arm in a sling, if I just...

took some painkillers where I don't feel the pain and I just have my arm in a sling, I will never use this arm. I have to actually start doing physical therapy with it. I gotta move stuff and do things that are gonna hurt. Like confronting painful things feels awful. It feels terrible. It's what I call like the wilderness, the wrestle, because what happens in that place is you're wrestling with God and you're...

wrestling with the person that you need to become and the person you've always been. And that's where the rubber meets the road. It's your faith is confronted. What do I actually believe about a God who allowed this injustice in my life? And can I tell you in that place when you invite God in, he can give you peace about certain things that you don't have answers for and answers for things that you feel like you need to have closure. Like God can do those things. God can even move a situation and turn it around where

Natalie Tysdal (28:14)

Yeah.

Elena (28:40)

bring to bring resolve. Like the more you let him do, the better at it, the better, you know, you see him work because he does it so much better than we do. But I would definitely say invite him in that and wrestle. And then another thing is I would look at your environment like what you said. What am I watching? Who am I around? If you're around people that make you, ⁓ that bring out all of your trauma, don't be around those people.

It's not gonna help you heal. What do you listen to? What do you watch? ⁓ You gotta get very careful about your environment. And then ⁓ the third thing that was super helpful to me is I would make a list. And on this list, when I was at my best self and thriving and feeling great, what was I doing? And I would write stuff on that list. Usually it'd be like things like eating well, exercising, my relationships were at peace, I wasn't living in sin.

I was walking with God. I was actually reading scripture and praying. ⁓ Whatever, I would just make my list. And so every time I'd be in a funky head space or in a negative place, I would look at my list and be like, okay, what am I doing? And then I'm like, ⁓ I have been watching all of this, a bunch of stuff and it's made me feel in a wonky head space.

I have been at odds with this person. I need to find some kind of resolution, even if I have, you know, agree to disagree type of piece and, or I need to remove these people or these things out of my life. So a list was super helpful for me.

Natalie Tysdal (30:19)

Yeah, it gives you a reference to go back to. well, so much good information. I appreciate you and your advice, and we'll have to do this again because I think reminding ourselves that God is there for us, it's like any relationship. If you're not invested in it, it's not going to be fruitful.

Elena (30:22)

Yeah.

No, and you can be without God and you can still do the same things, but it's so much harder like anything in life when you are on your own. I've, cause I've walked with God and I haven't been with God and it's so much harder. Like the supernatural component to what God does, it's a game changer. It doesn't matter what sphere. When someone is always there for you, whether people are there or not, like that's going to change your life.

Natalie Tysdal (31:09)

Yeah. Okay, then the name of the book and I'll be sure and put a link in the show notes for anyone who wants to go and get it. Tell us where they can find it and what it is.

Elena (31:20)

It's called Untwist Me. This is it looks like. I have it right here. ⁓ But yeah, you can find it on my website, elainahuggins.com. It's on Amazon as well. We have it available in paperback, Kindle, hardcover, and audible as well. ⁓ But you can find it there. And if you go onto my website, there's also like my social links, all of that's on there as well.

Natalie Tysdal (31:42)

Wonderful. Well, again, I'm anxious to read the rest of it. I just got into it before the interview and you did a beautiful job. I'm curious, was writing it therapeutic for you? Or had you already been through all that?

Elena (31:56)

⁓ It was a therapy I didn't want. I actually,

I didn't want to write it. It took me a long time. It was like 15 years in the making. And I ⁓ actually had a dream about the book. I knew exactly what to write, but it was never something I planned to do. So a huge reason I didn't want to write it is because I knew I'd have to go into my story. And I felt so far removed from my past that I'm like, ⁓ I don't know if I want to go dig through that, you know.

Natalie Tysdal (32:04)

No.

Elena (32:24)

I would start remembering all these things that I had forgotten about and like, yeah, that was really crazy. yeah, I forgot I went through that. So I guess in a way it was therapeutic, but it was therapy that I was like, I don't want this therapy. All right, yeah.

Natalie Tysdal (32:38)

I

understand that. Elena, thanks so much. It's been a pleasure.

Elena (32:43)

Thank you so much for having me. I've really enjoyed my time, Natalie.